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From THE GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, January 23, 2004
CHEERS to the Night of the Living Dean. Good debate performance. Stellar Sawyer interview (Judy rocked). Self-effacing Letterman Top 10 list. My `Dean For President' watch is back on my wrist, Bay-bee!
JEERS to all debaters but Dean. You guys are a sorry, boring lot. But give credit where credit's due: you've got the Sominex vote locked up.
CHEERS to Judy Dean. Isn't a "thing person," is dedicated to her small-town medical practice and her marriage, and doesn't worship at the altar of TV or fashion. But c'mon...isn't this just a calculated attempt to pander to the Perfect American Wife/Mother/Career Woman Role Model Vote?
CHEERS to smushed cupcakes. The family Dean's favorite way to celebrate birthdays. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm...smuuuushed cuuuuupcakes.
JEERS to Peter Jennings. Debate co-moderator posed questions in creepy pillow-talk manner. I guess that explains the bong and Barry White CDs in the green room.
CHEERS to Hillary Clinton. The White House is hers for the asking. She can save the Democratic party...and the country...from four more years of Bush. 2008 may be too late to heal the damage, Senator. Please step in.
CHEERS to Log Cabin Republicans. Queer conservatives finally wake up and smell the anti-gay coffee, refusing to endorse Bush for re-election. But they stopped short of asking him to return his honorary pink chiffon caftan.
JEERS to Iraq instability. CIA officers on the ground warn that storm clouds of civil war are forming between Shiites and Kurds. And smack-dab in the middle of all the chaos: US. Have a nice day.
JEERS to [your credit card number here]. Online identity theft tops FTC list of consumer complaints. Look, if you fall for those Nigerian diplomat e-mail scams, you deserve to lose it all. But at least penis-enlarging miracle ointment is legit.
JEERS to interplanetary relations. NASA unable to communicate with rover on Mars. Hey, if someone sent you on a one-way slingshot ride to a desolate planet with nothing but Slim Jims and a Clay Aiken CD, you'd call it off, too.
CHEERS to indictment of Enron weasel Richard Causey. If convicted, former accounting chief faces 55 years in the slammer. Be careful, DICK...that prison soap is mighty slippery.
JEERS to Ben and JLo's breakup. In first documented failure of Bush marriage initiative, the dreamy pair decide that being decadent and single is a helluva lot more fun. But we'll always have Gigli.
JEERS to Rep. Bill Janklow's 100 day manslaughter sentence. John Ashcroft wants judges to impose maximum sentences on criminals (11 yrs. In this case), and this Washington insider gets off with 2% of that?? Oh well, I bet he's reeeeeeal sorry.
CHEERS to fat people. Medical treatment for the portion control-impaired pumped $75 billion into the economy last year, according to CDC, thus speeding our economic recovery. Coming soon to NBC: "My Big Fat Myocardial Infarction."
What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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