I feel compelled to write, given all that I have been through the past couple of days. I promise not to dwell on the past, so I'll keep what has happened as short as possible. For those who didn't know, I was laid off from my job this past week. That was the first devastating thing of the past two weeks. In the course of dealing with that, the college I work for was struck with tragedy Sunday morning, a tragedy which changed my outlook of how fragile life really is, and how we should cherish every moment we have. It was, simply, the worst night of my short and young (2 year) career in student affairs.
A student jumped from her seventh floor dorm room window and subsequently died from her injuries. A student's death is the worst nightmare of a student affairs professional, aside from a residence hall fire. Instantly, I could no longer just think about me and what I was going through. My cause became greater. You see, I could have just played the bitter employee and not done anything, and no one would be upset. However, I'm not that type of person. I wrestled with this decision as I was choosing whether to head over to the adjacent residence hall where this took place, or stay in my apartment. Should I stay, should I go?
I wear my emotions on my sleeve. Sometimes to my advantage, sometimes to my detriment. I can't help it. I'm an affectionate person, even though sometimes I try to put on and act out my tough-guy persona. I hate to see people suffer. A great person once said, "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few". Yes, I am still grieving the loss of my job, but that pain will pass. I will eventually get another job. But the pain of seeing a life taken so young, and to see the type of effect that death has on so many people, indeed, the needs of the students I work with outweighed the needs of me for that moment. They needed to see that they wasn't facing this alone.
Sometimes it takes something as tragic as death to slap the big picture into us. When one commits suicide, many questions are left in its wake. "Why did they do it?" "Was there something I could have done to stop them?" "Maybe I shouldn't had said what I said to them before they died." "I wish I had the chance to say goodbye." When that someone is in the prime of their life, as this young lady was, 21 years old, a junior, aspiring news journalist, its even more hard to bear.
Sometimes, we have to not think about ourselves, but to think about others. How they're feeling. What they're going through. We think we're invincible, that we can do everything on our own. Here's a dose of reality: WE CAN'T!
You may think you got that prize job on your own, but you didn't. You had to go to school, and you certainly couldn't pass without a teacher instructing you how to do a math problem, or help you learn how to read. You couldn't had learned how to ride a bike on your own, someone had to hold the seat for you, teach you how to pedal. We have become so narrowly focused on individual accomplishments, on what I did for me. Always remember, somewhere, somehow, someone helped you get where you are today.
Life is definitely too short. It can end in an instant. Its time to cherish one another, regardless of their differences. Each of us has an unique chance to impact someone's life, both positively and, yes, negatively. It is time we get out of this individualistic mindset and start caring about one another, that we start impacting people's lives positively, and not negatively. Sometimes, we have to think about the needs of the many, and not the needs of the few, or the needs of one.
To close out, here's a poem I found that speaks to what I am trying to convey in this diary. Be blessed everyone!
Anyway
By Unknown
People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered.
Love them anyway!
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway!
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway!
The good you do today, will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway!
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway!
The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest people with the smallest minds;
Think big anyway!
People favor underdogs, but follow only top dogs.
Fight for underdogs anyway!
What you spend years building up may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway!
People really need help, but will attack you if you help them.
Help them anyway!
Give the world the best you have and it may kick you in the teeth.
Give the world the best you've got anyway!