November 4th, 2008, wasn't an entirely horrible day for those of us out canvassing for No on California's Proposition 8. While I was called "faggot" multiple times and even felt physically threatened at one point as I worked the polling place I was assigned to in West Oakland, there were a few special moments that happened that I will cherish for the rest of my life.
This is story is about one of those moments.
Our script when handing out palm cards was "Vote No on 8. It's unfair and wrong." This felt a little silly after you said it several times, so often I just said, "Please vote no on 8" while handing someone a palm card. It was a simpler message, and the card said "UNFAIR AND WRONG" right there in big letters.
After handing out these cards for a while with my shortened script, I decided to add back the "unfair and wrong" line as I handed a card to a late-50s black woman who was walking up the sidewalk to the polling place. She was about 5'2" and conservatively dressed. As I reached out to her with a palm card in hand, I said, "Please vote no on 8. It's unfair and wrong."
To which she replied, "You bet it is." I wasn't sure whether this was a good thing or bad thing given how she said it, but I paused to listen to her. She proceeded to tell me that she couldn't believe she had to vote on this and how upsetting it was that anyone would try to take away rights of gay and lesbian people. She talked about her lesbian daughter and her gay son who was no longer alive and how she had already been there for 18 weddings in Oakland City Hall.
She summed it up by saying, "I am so blessed."
And I nearly lost it. So I asked her if I could please hug her. She said yes, and that made my day. Right then and there. After our embrace, she went inside to vote.
About an hour later, she came up to me (I'm not sure if the entire time was spent voting). She had a tear running down one cheek, and she came right up to me and said, "Thank you for being out here." I told her that she had made my day, and she said, "You made my day." Then she told me about how her son had died of AIDS and she loved him so much and was so blessed to have had him in her life. She talked about being there for the first same-sex wedding in Oakland City Hall back in June of this year. She talked about civil rights and the long, hard struggle for equality.
She also told me about her nearby flower shop and invited me anytime to come by and get some flowers. In a matter of minutes, she became like another mother to me - this perfect stranger, a woman who was living by her heart and staying totally in the moment.
We hugged again. Another tear ran down her cheek, and mine. And we smiled and thanked each other for this moment.
It's true that Proposition 8 will likely win, and we will have lost the battle of November 4th, 2008, but it is these connections, the one that I made with the Oakland florist with two gay children and a heart of gold, it is these connections that will help us win the larger struggle for fairness. Justice cannot be stopped. Equality only advances over the long-term. And love is an irresistible force.
I share this story because losing this election on Proposition 8 is so upsetting, but this story reminds me (and hopefully you) that there is something much more important happening here. And that is people connecting with each other and finding our common humanity. I had no idea what to expect when I approached this woman, and what I got was a new friend and a reminder that this is all worth it.
Keep your heart open, don't give up the fight, and keep hoping.
---
P.S. - I am aware of the court challenges that were raised today by the ACLU, SF City Attorney Dennis Herrera, and others. I don't know much about all what's going on with them, but they are the next steps in our fight. Much as I'd prefer to win this on the ground, we're up against two churches with unlimited cash to take away our rights, so perhaps the courts are the way to win this for the moment. Only time will tell.