Many American families are distressed and in crisis. Half of today’s marriages end in divorce, but even more pertinent is that a lower percentage of people are getting married today than in the past. The situation is even more dire in African American communities where single mothers are more likely to live in poverty than white single mothers. With so-called "traditional marriages" falling by the wayside in American culture, why is there such resistance to expanding marriage rights to same-sex families, especially among African Americans?
The reasons are complex, but one of the most important reasons is the degradation of classic family unit itself, and the desperation that creates among church communities. As the government and social services backfill the expected role of fathers by providing food and housing for single parent families (albeit not very well), religious organizations that are already shaken by years of women moving out of the traditional role of wife and mother have to now contend with an increased rate of single parent mothers and fathers abdicating their responsibilities. The biggest challenge to the family right now is male irresponsibility. Instead of working to increase marriage success among families, or trying to reduce the number of pregnancies out of wedlock, churches are instead offering us a phony vision of traditional marriage that we should uphold by restricting the rights of same-sex couples. Instead of trying to fix the problem single parent families pose, churches turn to gay bashing to rally the troops and increase their political power and fundraising.
By creating a false picture of traditional marriage and promoting that ideal, churches are attempting to reassert male authority over the women who are raising the next generation without men. This concept of traditional marriage is false because today’s marriage is anything but traditional. "Traditional marriage" has run the gamut from 1) Polygamy (Mormon tradition), 2) Forced marriage for business (very common across the world, connects two families financially) 3) Marriages without the possibility of divorce (Catholic tradition), 4) Marriage for money (dowry, most traditions), 5) Miscegeny (no interracial marriage for most of our country’s history). Which of those "traditional marriages" do the churches claim to be protecting? None of them. The scant fifty years of America’s current version of marriage (the one where divorce is allowed, children can’t be sold to adult men, and people of different races can actually marry) is hardly long enough to call "traditional." Yet that false vision was advertised well enough to pass California’s Proposition 8 this year, as well as anti-gay initiatives in three other states.
Although not enough AAs voted in California to tip the balance for Proposition 8, exit polls indicate a shockingly high 70 percent of blacks said they voted to ban same-sex marriage. Notably, there were far more black women than black men who voted, and a higher percentage of black women said that they voted Yes on the measure than AA men. Blacks and other racial minorities shouldn’t be blamed for the passage of Prop 8, but clearly, proponents of marriage equality need to address the homophobia and lack of support in communities of color.
Although it’s tempting to compare the fight for gay and lesbian equality to the fight for black civil rights, it’s probably more useful to acknowledge the relationship between gay rights and the women’s movement, starting with the similarities between feminism and homosexuality. Both movements achieved visibility around the same time, and both strive to break through the unwritten oppression of gays and women. Monotheistic religions are threatened by the rise of feminism and the insistence that women have a role in religious communities and organizations, including the church itself. Homosexuals living openly represent an additional alternative to the traditional male-structured society. That’s why the church backlash against gays and lesbians is focused on reinforcing, even glamorizing those traditional roles of men and women in nice little marital packets with each partner keeping the other in line. Unfortunately, that vision has already changed, or rather, people have realized the classic household marital unit was never really the nice package it purported to be. Feminism already uncovered that stone, and gay rights is just one of the logical conclusions of the evolution of women’s role in reversing our societies patriarchal traditions.
I realize that many AAs take offense when gay activists point out the similarities between the black civil rights movement and the gay rights movement, but there are clear parallels. The most important are the methods that have used to oppress each group, especially the use of the bible to "prove" whites are better than blacks, and straights are better than gays, or at least deserving of special rights. (For that matter, the Bible was used to justify women not having the right to vote or to own property as well.) Blacks were tortured and murdered for trying to escape oppression; gays were tortured and murdered by the hundreds of thousands, perhaps even by the millions by the Catholic Church and by the Nazis. Both gays and blacks still experience oppression. Sure, AAs can’t walk down the street without everyone knowing that they’re black. Gays can hide their sexual orientation. Usually. But how long can they hide it from their family, from their boss and coworkers, from your church or other community groups? Gays are routinely fired for being, well, gay. Worse, the institutionalized oppression against same sex couples is spread across all races. The government, hospitals and other organizations are all allowed to discriminate regardless of what skin color gays and lesbians are. But we don’t have to compare oppressions or compete for which minority was hurt worse through history. We just have to recognize the commonalities and the "divide and conquer" strategies employed.
So why should African Americans, and especially AA women, care about gay rights?
- First and foremost, because our country is founded on the principal of freedom from religion. Not just freedom of religion, freedom from religious intrusion in civil matters. Blacks have suffered at the hands of bible wielding racists and would do well to remember how easy it is to abuse scripture to enforce intolerable social structures.
- Attempts to rigidly apply yesterday’s sexual morality to today’s sexual mores will backfire. Like teen sexual activity, a stigma doesn’t prevent sexual interactions among youth; it simply forces it into the shadows where, devoid of information, it becomes more risky. According to a Gallup poll, most AAs believe premarital sex is unacceptable. Yet a study by the Guttmacher Institute shows that blacks are 26% more likely than others to have premarital sex by age 18, and the pregnancy rate for black teens is twice that of white teens. Black teens still have premarital sex, but they do so uninformed and unprotected. Blacks overwhelmingly say that homosexuality isn’t morally acceptable, which leads many black men to hide their sexual orientations and engage in risky behavior. This backfires for black women who are now the fastest growing group of people infected with H.I.V. Unfortunately, a 2003 study of H.I.V. patients found that 34% of infected black men said they had sex with both men and women, while only 6 percent of black women thought their partners were bisexual. In contrast, only 13 percent of the white men in the study said they had sex with both men and women, while 14 percent of the white women said that they knew their partners were bisexual. A certain percentage of humans are homosexual. It’s a fact of nature. Whether it’s God-ordained or genetic or environmentally created, all social mammals have a specific percentage of homosexuality in the population, and humans are no different. Driving homosexuals back into the closet will only backfire, especially for black women. It’s a health issue. The more open AA communities are to the reality of homosexuality, the more likely black men will openly discuss their sexual orientations and histories, which will help black women avoid unwittingly putting themselves at risk.
- The U.S. Constitution is the basis for today’s racial equality. Racism is still alive in the hearts of some Americans, but the government has finally caught up with the founders’ stated beliefs that we all are equal under the law. In Barack Obama’s race speech, he said, "...the answer to the slavery question was already embedded within our Constitution - a Constitution that had at its very core the ideal of equal citizenship under the law; a Constitution that promised its people liberty, and justice, and a union that could be and should be perfected over time." The same is true for marriage equality, and our president elect understands that divisions like this are what tears our country apart. What he also knows, and says, is that it takes effort by the dominant society to establish equality for an oppressed minority: "And yet words on a parchment would not be enough to deliver slaves from bondage, or provide men and women of every color and creed their full rights and obligations as citizens of the United States. What would be needed were Americans in successive generations who were willing to do their part - through protests and struggle, on the streets and in the courts, through a civil war and civil disobedience and always at great risk - to narrow that gap between the promise of our ideals and the reality of their time." Indeed, gays will eventually win equal rights, because this is America and we have a foundation that has already taken us beyond abolition of slavery to women’s suffrage, black suffrage and the Civil Rights Act of 1964.
- There are two components of marriage. One is the religious joining of two or more people (remember, polygamy is one version of "traditional marriage"). The other component is the civil contract between two people who are taking financial and legal responsibility for their partner and/or family. The two components are already separate, in that you go to your church to have a marriage ceremony, but you pay the government to approve and record your marriage contract. The state has a valid interest in regulating domestic relationships, but religions do not have the right to enforce one version of biblical marriage onto non-believers. Same-sex couples strive for equal rights because they have families to protect. Gay and lesbians have already taken legal responsibility for their families; they just need the rights that accompany those responsibilities. They will never stop striving for equality because their (mostly) heterosexual children lack equal rights to children of straight couples. Gay marriage doesn’t take anything from heterosexuals, it’s just a hot-button fundraiser for the churches that rally against those people they despise. From our experience in Massachusetts, Connecticut, and other countries like Canada, it’s clear that giving all adult citizens the right to civil marriage has absolutely no effect on the religious institution of marriage. We can accept marriage equality without endorsing homosexual behavior. Social conservatives might not like gays, or may think God hates gays, but they don’t have the right to take away rights from any minority. Not in this country.
- Gay marriage is no threat to hetero marriage. But the recent invalidation of gay marriages that were legally obtained in California undermines the sanctity of the institution at a fundamental level. Prop 8 adds a new insecurity to an institution that is already tenuous in our culture. Is it likely that any state will invalidate any heterosexual marriage? No, not likely. These paranoid, irrational zealots have their sights set on gay couples right now, so, by all means, heterosexuals need not fear, and we don't need to speak up. Of course they won't come for us next. Yeah, that's never happened before.
- The key to understanding what happened this year is to look beyond the old divisions of race and sexual orientation, and recognize who benefits from those divisions – the conservative religious groups that promote an anti-gay agenda. The real reason we keep facing discriminatory attacks by the Religious Wrong is that churches and political groups use the gay marriage wedge issue to fundraise, to engage and consolidate their base, and to increase their power in our nation’s political sphere. That is where we have solve this problem – by mitigating the culturally damaging distortions that are relayed to the electorate through religious and right wing organizations. If straight America doesn’t take a stand for marriage equality, the right wing will continue to bash us over the head with this wedge issue. Progressives and the Democratic Party have to quit "tolerating" gays and start taking an ethical stand for civil rights for gay and lesbian citizens. Just as it took federal intervention in the black civil rights movement (Civil Rights Act of 1964), it’s going to take the federal government to stop these anti-gay, anti-American state level initiatives. We can sit back and do nothing more than "accept" gays, or progressives can be proactive and stand up and demand constitutional equality for all Americans. If we don’t, the right wing will continue to use anti-gay sentiment for fundraising, to get out the vote for right wing candidates, and to undermine the effectiveness of our first black president.
Establishing marriage equality is not only the right thing to do; it’s likely to be a huge boost for the Democratic Party and our progressive issues. In the words of Coretta Scott King, "Homophobia is like racism and anti-Semitism and other forms of bigotry in that it seeks to dehumanize a large group of people, to deny their humanity, their dignity and personhood. This sets the stage for further repression and violence that spread all too easily to victimize the next minority group." Or as Martin Luther King Jr. said, "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."
Better yet, in Barack Obama’s own words, "We are not a gay America or a straight America, we are all Americans..." and "...we rise and fall as one nation."