Many people wonder why women in domestic violence situations don't "just leave." Here is my story - the shelters gave me bad legal advice. Because I suffer from PTSD, the medication did not help me make good decisions. My family is out almost hundreds of thousands of dollars they could ill afford to spend, and I lost half my family over this divorce. Throughout my experience, I have been told to "get a job." Do these well meaning people, including my lost family, watch the news? I have been unemployed since May 2003. I have been on antidepressants and anti anxiety medication since 2002. My self esteem is at an all time low, as it is with many women fleeing domestic violence. Meanwhile my X, who threatened a school board member and spent a night in jail for it, continues to have a job teaching. I have felt so bad about myself because I have faced chronic unemployment and underemployment - that the unthinkable - seemed like an appropriate option. 6 years later, nothing has changed or gotten any better.
But during the summer, my next door neighbor said "Why don't you go back to school." This is something that brings horror to social workers. So I went back to school. I got 2 As, a B+, and a B. I got a scholarship. I made the Dean's list. I stopped taking the antidepressants that seemed to cause me to feel sorry for myself everyday. I am beginning to believe that Tom Cruise was right the first time around with Matt Laurer. Social Services do what is in the best interest of their agency, which is to get the recipient back to work, in a meaningless job, so that the recipient earns too much to qualify for welfare.
Because of financial circumstances I have to live with my mother. And I hate it. I have been homeless. But for the first time in 6 years, I have a future. The paths are infinite and the opportunities are endless. I am considering a long term career in academics. I can work part time in my field and make good money while going to graduate school and get my Ph.D.
Now that is a solution to domestic violence, anxiety, and depression. I could have had this future 6 years ago, if well meaning people, including those at the domestic violence shelter, considered their client's INDIVIDUAL needs and challenges instead of their own.
Despite my negativity, if you know someone suffering from domestic violence please refer them to a domestic violence shelter. Then if anyone tells them that going back to school is not an option - refer them to this website:
WISP