Up until a few years ago (about when I moved out of my parent's house) I was truly under the impression that homeless people were pretty much wastes. Addicts, losers, nobodies. Basically...they deserved it.
I know it was shallow. Well, I know now anyway. I always thought I was independent of my parents' strange belief system. That I was much more decent and rational than they were.
But over time, I realized I harbored a series of stereotypes, impressions, and ideas that I see now were not my own. I feel kind of like I woke up, screaming "What did they put inside me?!" like on the Matrix when Neo is in the car and that thing is inside him.
I guess, in summary, it's taken me a little under 2 years to fully realize that I got played. Bad. For like...20 years.
Today when I got off work, I was coming into my apartment building and there was a guy in the foyer who was digging through a clear garbage bag that had clothes in it. He was lining up travel sized shampoos and deodorants on the floor. He had a backpack and another bag also. First I thought he was waiting for someone.
I got into the elevator, and thought...well, maybe he's homeless. Who carries around a garbage bag with clothes in it? Why did he have so many other bags.
So I came to my apartment, and sat down for some reading. But the guy in the foyer kept tugging at my brain.
Oh, so what if he's homeless.
He'll probably get kicked out anyway when one of the other residents see him.
he's probably strung out and dangerous.
Gods. What the HELL am I talking about.
So I went into the kitchen, heated and packed up some pepperoni rolls that my mom had made and sent up, a couple packs of crackers, a pack of fig newtons, and a pepsi and decided I'd go see if the guy was hungry.
On my way down, I was thinking how stupid I'd feel and insulted he'd be if he were in fact just waiting for someone. But something told me that he wasn't waiting for anything except the cold outside to pass. It's supposed to be 9 degrees tonight here.
The elevator door opened. He was still sitting in the same chair. He looked like he was sleeping maybe.
A family crowded into the elevator as I got out, and the ruckus caused him to blink my way. I stood there with my grocery bag of warm food and cold drinks and waited for the elevator to close.
I finally walked up and said..."Hi. Please don't be insulted. But...are you hungry?"
"Yeah...I am." he said.
I smiled and gave him the bag. We talked a while. He told me his name, he waas 23. And he'd left the shelter because he'd gotten kicked out for fighting with someone.
Maybe he was dangerous. But I stayed.
He told me he thought I must have been some angel and thank god for me. We talked about religion sort of. He was surprised to find out that an athiest like myself could help a homeless person. That without God's help, he'd be going hungry tonight.
I said "I don't believe that God helps people. I believe that people help people."
Wow. Did I just say that? I did!
That is what I believe.
Really.
When have I ever believed that people help people? I see people hurt each other every day. When did I become so optimistic and place such faith in humanity?
Faith in humanity. That is a phrase that one would not link me to, normally.
But...I do have faith in humanity, I guess. I have so much more now than I ever did before.
So he and I talked for a while. He said he was looking for a job. I found myself doubting that, but wishing he was. He said he was going to catch the bus tomorrow and go to another city.
He seemed like a smart guy. He was well spoken and charismatic.
He told me where the homeless shelter was that he came from. I think I might look it up and see if I can...help.
Me, help homeless people?
I mean, I've given a beggar or two a bag of chips from a sandwich shop that I wasn't going to eat, but...I have never actually approached a homeless person on purpose.
It's weird. I give to charities like Children's Miracle Network and the breast cancer fundraisers and whatever other fundraisers we have at work. I make sure everyone at work recycles their reusables, but...as far as actually going out of my way to do something? Not me. Not until now.
I think, overall, that is the problem with people today. They'll give to charity or do something if it's on the way out of the supermarket or requires very little time. But, it's a lot harder to get people to like...build a house for Habitat for Humanity or go to a disaster area to volunteer, or something unless they've been active with such things for a while. It's never too late too start, but...some people never get started.
I've come to realize that it takes all of us to make this world work.