We interrupt this blog to bring you an important message from Secretary of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff:
Dear Friends,
As many of you are aware, today British authorities arrested 21 suspects who were plotting to blow up several airliners. I wish to stress up front that President Bush and I will do everything we can to waterboard a confession out of these alleged evildoers.
You may also have heard that we are now prohibiting liquids---including water, contact lens solution, mouthwash, hair gel, lotions, and toothpaste---from being carried aboard domestic or international aircraft. There is a very good reason for this. These items can be mixed together and used to blow you up in mid-air.
You might be asking why our Fly High, Fly Dry policy is being implemented nearly five years after the Transportation Safety Administration was created. I read in a magazine at the barber shop today that it's been common knowledge for many years that liquid explosives are a potent terrorist weapon. So why the delay in getting this critical, life-saving information out to you? I can explain.
After a thorough review, I have concluded that it's all Tom Ridge's fault. He told me not to worry. He said that "liquid boom boom" was years off, and that the real danger came from nail clippers and
exploding wingtips. And, like a schoolgirl with a crush on her science teacher, I believed him. In response, I have returned the
friendship bracelet he gave me and removed his number from my cell phone. Can you hear me now, Tom? No? Good!
But now is not the time to rehash the past. Rather, we must look towards the future. Rest assured we are now banning liquids of all kinds with the strength of our convictions, and the courage of our ideals. We encourage all Americans to stay vigilant, both in the air and on the ground. If you see anyone carrying a liquid container, we urge you to do whatever it takes to disarm that individual and contact the proper authorities. Further, we advise all Americans to cease from drinking any fluids until we know for sure that they won't explode when combined with digestive juices.
Thank you for your attention. I wish you and your family a very happy July 4th holiday.
Sincerely,
Michael Chertoff, Secretary
Department of Homeland Security
-