We lost another woman to domestic violence last night.
ABINGTON - It was shortly after 10 p.m. in this small suburban town when Frank Scolaro heard multiple gunshots outside his home on a short side street.
He grabbed his pistol and went outside to find his sister and neighbor, Barbara Jean Tassinari, lying in the driveway, shot multiple times in the head and body. He saw his brother-in-law, John Tassinari, standing nearby.
I've posted three diaries this week about my participation in the annual Walk for HAWC this Sunday. Three diaries, 22 comments and 4 donations. Four. Out of a community of over 150,000.
Mad? No. Disappointed? Well, a little. Because this issue is simply too important to ignore. But I'm not going to stop posting. Because even though I've only gotten four donations, it's four more than I had last week. And, who knows, maybe I'll get a few more.
More...
The article was on page one of the Boston Globe this morning:
"My wife has been cheating on me, and I just shot her dead. Please come arrest me. . . . I'm sorry," Tassinari, 29, told a 911 dispatcher Tuesday night, according to the police report filed in Brockton District Court. The report quoted him as saying he "shot her more than 12 times" and promised to wait for them patiently and unarmed at the end of his driveway.
Her death is the 10th alleged case of domestic homicide in Massachusetts this year, according to Jane Doe Inc., an advocacy group whose representatives were at the State House yesterday urging more funding for victims of domestic violence.
Now one might say, well, maybe he killed her because she was cheating on him. Maybe he felt justified. But the real story was that their situation is like so many, where the abuse is hidden and the wife suffers in silence.
Neighbors said the couple largely kept to themselves after moving into the split-entry house about a year ago. "I think everybody in the neighborhood will be shocked that this happened," said Mary Wehr, who lives a few doors away. "They seemed like very quiet people."
Scolaro and his wife, Robin, later told police of recent signs of trouble in the Tassinari home. John Tassinari had spent time at his brother's house in New York State within the past week "after having difficulties at his house," Scolaro said.
Earlier Tuesday night, Robin Scolaro told police, Barbara Tassinari had visited for tea and told her that John Tassinari was drinking and had accused her of having an affair. After 15 minutes, Tassinari called his wife on her cellphone and demanded that she return home. "Fifteen minutes later she [Robin S] was upstairs in her home with her husband when she heard multiple gunshots," police said in the report.
Frank Scolaro also told police that "his sister was always home and did not have affairs that he was aware of," according to the report. "He has never heard or seen of any domestic disturbances . . . but John seemed very controlling with Barbara over finances."
Controlling. And he's not the only one. Google domestic violence and you'll find story after story:
Eddie told me that when I go to the store I only had ten minutes to do the shopping and get home. When I would go visit my mom and dad I could only stay for ten minutes. I couldn't go have coffee with them in the mornings like I always had done. When I was gone longer than ten minutes Eddie would start pushing me around and he would grab my upper arm and drag me to the bedroom, that's where he always would start beating on me. Eddie would bruise my arm every time he grabbed me like that.
This is why I am walking. Because of women like this. And this:
I saw the gun my husband was holding as he stood in the door way of our kitchen. After years of being intimidated to stay in the abusive relationship, I thought to myself "not this time, gun or no gun". I defiantly turned my back to him and his AK-47, and walked toward the backdoor that was in the kitchen. Something in my head asked "where is the phone?" I looked up and saw the cordless phone in it's cradle on the kitchen wall. It was a millisecond later that I smelled gunpowder and heard a pop. I caught myself on the kitchen table with my right hand while my left hand was holding my side actually trying to realize that I had been shot.
No, we can't save everyone. Things like this are going to happen. As the saying goes, "You can't save the whole world, just your little piece of it."
So my little piece of it is to try and help women in my area get the help they need. The organization for which I am walking is called HAWC - Help Abused Women and their Children. Their shelter is a haven for women who are leaving abusive relationships and for their children too. But beyond that, they have programs that help women and attempt to break the cycle of violence.
But HAWC and like other women's shelters and groups are having a hard time keeping things going. Funding has been cut (thanks to Mitt Romney) and there simply aren't enough beds for women. If you can't leave, you can't save yourself. Another recent article from the Globe:
Domestic violence shelters across the state are becoming overwhelmed and are increasingly turning victims away, driving some of those seeking help back to abusive partners or to the streets, according to advocates and shelter program directors.
The number of victims turned away from shelters more than quadrupled, from 1,374 in fiscal 2003 to 5,520 in fiscal 2005, according to Jane Doe Inc., a statewide coalition against sexual assault and domestic violence that also tracks trends.
On many days, only one bed will be available in the state for 100 people who call domestic violence hotlines seeking shelter. Sometimes, none can be found.
Abuse is not something that happens to one kind of person. It happens to women of all ages and socioeconomic groups. It could be your neighbor. it could be your sister. It could be YOU.
In order to break the cycle of violence, this issue must come out of the closet, and women need to be able get help. But if funding dries up, and shelters close, that help won't be there.
So this is today's shameless plea for money. It doesn't have to be a lot. $5, $10, anything. If you can donate, go HERE. It's a link to the donations page (something like Chipin). My friend who is the team leader is named Nancy. I'm Robin (a "training buddy").
You can also find out more about HAWC or the Walk.
* By participating in the Walk for HAWC, we lend our voices to the thousands of others who are making domestic violence their business.
* Each year, hundreds of families turn to HAWC for help. The money we raise is used solely to meet the needs for our services.
* HAWC is committed to raising public awareness about domestic violence.
* Each year, the Walk for HAWC raises over $150,000 to provide life-saving services for victims of domestic violence and their children on Massachusetts’ North Shore. Join thousands of North Shore residents who are making domestic violence their business.
I know folks can't give to everything. Times are tough and we've all been donating to campaigns. But if you have some spare scratch, it will be greatly appreciated.
Thanks.
UPDATE: I just got a chill. You guys made this hit the Rec list. And we're almost halfway to our goal of $1000. Thank you so much! (Anyone got a kleenex?)
UPDATE 2: Koser Sassy asked me to post these numbers in case you (or someone you know) needs them:
Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) 1-800-787-3224
(TTY)
Thanks Sassy!
While I'm at it, here's HAWC's number for anyone on the North Shore of Massachusetts:
HAWC's Hotline 1-800-547-1649
UPDATE 3: You guys Rock! We just surpassed our modest goal of $1000 (currently $1,055). Thank you so, so much. How about we really try to blow their minds? Keep it coming!
And NEON MAMA had another great idea (should have mentioned it before). If you have an old cellphone, donate it to your local shelter. Any cell will work to dial 911, even if you don't have a carrier. It really helps women who might have a restraining order or stalker when they fear they might be in harm's way.
UPDATE #4: We're at $1,227.38 (12:20PM EDT)!!! So cool! I just phone my friend Nancy at work and told her to check the page (last night it was at about $300). She can't believe it! She passes her thanks and props to all you guys!
UPDATE #5 - You guys are truly awesome! Just got back from lunch and we're over $1500! Thanks so much everyone! Yesterday we were at about $360 and wondering how we were going to make our goal. In just about 4 hours, you took us over $1500! You done good. ;)
Final update (for now). This diary looks as though it will slip off the rec list soon. Just wanted to say thanks to everyone both for donating and for recommending. I began the day a little depressed at not being able to reach our goal. And I am ending the day not only having surpassed the goal, but almost doubling it! We went over $1,700 a little bit ago. So thank you so much for all you did today. I'll be sure to post a diary early next week about how we did overall. I can tell you that my friend Nancy (my team leader) works with a woman who will next year become the president of HAWC. And I think you all made a really huge impression on her today! Good job.
And THANK YOU!
Another "final update" OMG! Seriously. You guys are, simply, the best. I just got home from work to find a total of $3,057.50. We started the day with just about $350. You all practically tripled that! And when we checked the donation page (for team leaders) the highest donation page so far was about $1,400. You all doubled that IN ONE DAY! Suffice it to say, I am speechless. I was hoping we could make our goal of $1000. Thanks you all so, so, much.