The Primary race for the Democratic Party presidential nomination seems to have taken a tragic turn, as Hillary Clinton complained that yet another of her faculties failed her - her hearing.
Hillary Rodham Clinton yesterday seemed to deny that she told New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson that Barack Obama could not win the presidency.
But her campaign later said she misheard a reporter's question.
As Cameron Fredman inimitably points out with the assistance of muppets, Clinton's reaction to being pressed about her comments to Richardson reveals nothing save that she is absurdly evasive. She denies her denial that she had said that Obama cannot win the general election, on the grounds of mishearing.
One can only wonder what faculties she will lose next. As I am a political scientist, further credentialled by my status as a Web journalist and so depended upon to make ridiculous predictions in keeping with our famed tradition, I would hypothesize the following:
Misfeeling - After losing by a small margin in Pennsylvania, Senator Clinton will claim that it is proof that victory is within her grasp. The press will point out that after the night of April 22nd, all she was holding was a dwindling delegate count and a cheesesteak hoagie. The Clinton campaign will explain that she was referring to the hoagie, and "misfelt."
Mis-seeing - After Pennsylvania, Clinton will try to turn the tide by claiming she single-handedly captured Osama bin Ladin. The press will note that the picture she was waving was one of her throttling an unfortunate sikh cabbie. The Clinton campaign will explain she "mis-saw." They will release the cabbie and pay the man's family back - with an IOU.
Mis-smelling - After North Carolina goes south, Clinton will claim she smells burnt hair and then collapse, faking an aneurism. She will then pretend to rise from the dead. The press will point out that she was never officially pronounced dead by a doctor, just by the polls. The Clinton campaign will explain she "mis-smelled" and stop referring to her as The Comeback Kid.
Loss of Balance - Clinton will demand another debate in June, moderated by Rush Limbaugh, in the interest of finally getting "fair media coverage."
Loss of Depth Perception - Clinton will announce before the South Dakota primary on June 6th that she is eager to hear the results from it so that, "at last, the real primary process can begin." She will explain that she means the true contest of a candidate's worth, when they try to persuade the pledged delegates to switch from one side to the other.
Tourette's Syndrome - During a conference call with various pledged delegates, Senator Clinton will begin dropping "N-bombs." This will not go over well. The Clinton campaign will claim Tourette's Syndrome.
Coma - All of this will wind up with Clinton sinking into a vegetative state wherein she is capable only of weeping. Her polling numbers will climb, but not significantly.