As I might have mentioned before, reading the editorial page of the
Wall Street Journal is one of the best ways of finding out what ideas are bubbling to the top on the other side of the political spectrum.
Some of what's written on the Journal's editorial page is infuriating. A few pieces are downright frightening. But today's lead column, "A 'Third Term' For Bush", by Fred Barnes, the editor of the Weekly Standard, was downright amusing. It's worth taking a look at--even if Barnes's work isn't your cup of Earl Grey.
Barnes believes that Team Bush is mired in so deep a slump that the only way out of it is a bit of a management shakup. Make that a very big management shakeup. The kind that occurs after a baseball team finishes below sea level five seasons in a row--which, as it happens, is what Team Bush has managed to do.
For those keeping score at home, here are Barnes's proposed personnel moves:
- Donald Rumsfeld gets a gold watch and is shown the door. Not very likely. Rummy is Exhibit A of how people fall upward in the Bush administration. Read on, it gets better.
- Dick Cheney resigns as Vice President and becomes Secretary of Defense. Imagine this scene: Bush or, more likely, one of his minions, goes into Cheney's lair and asks him to step down. I'm reminded of Chris Matthews's comment two years ago when rumors were swirling that Cheney would be dropped from the 2004 ticket: "Is Cheney moveable?" He wasn't then, he isn't now.
- Condi Rice replaces Cheney. Barnes thinks her elevation to V.P. would end the Republicans' succession problems. More likely it would exacerbate them. Under the GOP's "It's His Turn" rule, John McCain is the party's heir apparent. If Rice leapfrogs him, we'll know once and for all whether his temper is bad enough to disqualify him.
- Joe Lieberman replaces Rice as Secretary of State. Gets him out of the Senate. As the late Branch Rickey would describe it, this move would be "addition by subtraction" for the Democratic Party.
- Glenn Hubbard replaces John Snow at Treasury. I'd like this move even better if the Glenn Hubbard in question were Glenn "Mother" Hubbard, the lifetime .244 hitter who played 12 seasons for the Braves and Athletics.
- Dan Senor, spokesman for Iraq viceroy Paul Bremer, replaces Scott McClellan. Don't tell Keith Olbermann about this move. The only thing he dreads more than Scotty's departure is the looming career-ending implosion of Bill O'Reilly.
- and 8. Al Hubbard, the president's top economic adviser, replaces Andy Card as Chief of Staff; Kevin Hassett of the American Enterprise Institute replaces Hubbard. Maybe Card go back to his native Massachusetts, run for governor, and keep alive the GOP's most improbable winning streak ever.
- Zalmay Khalilzad, our ambassador to Iraq, replaces Stephen Hadley as National Security Advisor. Ah, but there's a catch. Barnes writes, "Once a permanent government is installed there, he could be summoned home." Any bets on when that happens?
- and 11. Karl Rove moves from
behind the curtain Deputy White House Chief of Staff to head of the Republican National Committee; Ken Mehlman goes from RNC head to White House communications director. I love this move. Rove carries more baggage than the Delta Shuttle fleet, and Barnes suggests moving him to a higher-profile post. That sound your hear is Howard Dean chuckling.
- Roy Moore replaces Alberto Gonzalez as Attorney General. Just kidding. I wanted to see how carefully you're reading this evening.
To beat the baseball analogy to death--and why not, it's that time of the year--Barnes's recommendations remind me of guys who sit in sports bars and, after downing too many pitchers of Coors, pull out the cell phone, call the local sports call-in show, and suggest exotic, one-sided trades. You know, like trading Von Hayes for Manny Trillo, Julio Franco, George Vukovich, Jay Baller, and Jerry Willard. Believe it or not, the Phillies actually did that deal.
You can look it up.