Fair and Balanced....the things I love today, the things I hate today, and the things that generally leave me ambivalent.
What pops into your head?
Things I hate today.
- Really, really short diaries. You know, the ones we've seen posted over the last few weeks that are generally shorter than my preceeding sentence.
- States that matter. I'm looking at you, Pennsylvania, Ohio and parts of Texas.
- Robocallers that refuse to take my happy meal order.
- Diaries that claim all Israelis are terrorists.
- Diaries that defend all Israelis by counter-claiming all Palestinians are terrorists.
- The two inches of pollen on my car.
- Superdelegates who don't support my candidate.
- Barely underage sex. How the hell was I supposed to know that was a fake ID? I'm eighty-two, officer!
- Seventeen-and-a-half year old girls.
- The price of........anything today.
- Emo, screamo, and any other post-1974 music. (Wait...ABBA is okay, but don't tell anyone I said so. I'll claim I was drunk, anyway.)
- Reality TV.
- Cellphones. It's not that I'm opposed to technology....after all, I'm writing on a blog, right? It's just....well....did she really need to call her BFF while we were....?
- Sunglasses. Squinting is cool. Just look at the lines on the face of any actor from prior to 1970.
- Mother's day. Yeah, I love my mom. But I think Hallmark (privately-held, $4.4 billion in revenues, in 2007) loves her more.
Things I love today:
- Writing a diary with the headline "Obama raised $32 billion in seventeen minutes."
- Buying copious amounts of white rice at the local supermarket.
- Gordon Ramsey on Hell's Kitchen. What's not to love about a bipolar guy with sharp knives, attitude and a serious case of tourett's syndrome?
- The Financial Times. Screw you, WSJ. I've gone pink, and I'm not going back.
- Chocolate. (Note to self: put on list of things I love every day.)
- Gene splicing. I have a friend named Gene. Now I have two friends named Gene. Woops, now I have one friend named Gene again, but he's a girl. Cool!
- Girls who wear two-inch high-heels. According to Cosmo, they have better pelvic muscle control. If you read it in Cosmo, it must be true!
Thing I'm ambivalent about:
- Teenage boys wearing flip-flops or clogs. It's just that....well...it's weird.....
- Surround sound. Yeah, it's cool, but it seems harder to understand dialogue.
- Bears. Sorry, Colbert, it just not that big a deal.
- iPods. I have two, but they don't get along well, and have to be kept apart.
- The rabbits in my yard. Yeah, they're cute, but they won't play with me. You'd think after my one-millionth trip to the backyard they'd get used to me. And why won't they eat onion grass, anyway?
- World domination. It didn't work for the Brits, the French, the Spanish, the Portugese, the Romans, the Greeks, the Russians, The Babylonians, the Germans (twice), or anyone else. But don't sweat it....we're bound to be different.