I was eleven years old when JFK was assassinated. It was a school day. I remember teachers and students crying. I was astonished that they were not cheering, which I believed was the proper response. I was one very confused kid when they let us out from classes.
I have long since mourned his death, just as I mourn my own perverted interpretation and the painful sense then of being severed from my peers and teachers. It haunts me, still. I am the product of a mother, whom I refer to as a Rabid Republican, and a more or less moderate, religious father who saw to it that I was raised in the Southern Baptist church. Does that give you the chills, or what? I will not try here to fully explain the results in my life, except to say that I have the cold, passionate instincts of a neocon and the moral sensibilities of a committed leftist. You might say I'm conflicted. Not politically, but on a more basic, brain-chemistry level.
Other diarists have detailed genetic and behavioral studies which reveal profound differences between liberals and conservatives. I'm not here to rehash that, though I admit I take pleasure in findings which generally show that liberals do not fear change, are open to new experiences and believe that nearly everything could stand some improvement. If genetic predispositions are true, the big puzzle for me is what does the future hold for our species by way of evolution. Assuming of course, that we keep it together long enough to evolve.
On a personal level I know now that mom is either bipolaror dysthymic. I lean toward the bipolar diagnosis. I'm dysthymic, myself. Given what I've laid out above, my reaction to what I believe are the typical Republican loutish, boastful, self-righteous, "I'm an idiot and proud of it", selfish, greedy, sociopathic exclamations, it sets off my fight-or-flight button. My instinct tells me these folks should be placed in "rehabilitation camps" or at the very least, get psychological help, as I am doing. However, given the genetic studies, until we begin seeing "The Genetic Makeover Show!" it's very unlikely we'll be able to bridge the liberal-conservative gap. Bipartisanship? I don't think so.
Because I try to avoid these folks like the plague, it wasn't until I recently saw George Will on the Colbert Report that I began to understand. To paraphrase somewhat, he said that political parties are necessary to organize our hostilities. I reckon he's the elitist, "intellectual" conservative. Will agreed with John Adams, if I recall correctly, saying, "Political parties exist to organize our hatreds". Conservatives know the truth, Will said. Wow. It was a revelation for me. So the neocons and their fellow-travelers inhabit a primitive world free of the inhibitions of morality, compassion, equality and the like. That stuff is for losers. They alone realize that this is a dog-eat-dog world. Step on and climb over the lifeless bodies of those in your way on your jungle adventure toward Top Dog. That is what we are here for, the basic truth of life only they know. I'm pretty sure I'm not fit to open the door for Will's chauffeur.
Coming full circle now, how does a mentally ill liberal deal with the slings and arrows? I have found solace in giving. Every time the idiot on the other side of my cube wall spouts off, I go home and donate to a progressive cause or candidate. I have to say my therapist is pretty exasperated with this solution. I understand she has my best interests at heart. I live in a kind of stereotypical depressive dump. I could have spent toward a living room that would contribute something to a sense of well being. After more than thirty years of hard work at jobs I've despised, I only recently moved up to lower middle class, so it's not like I've got dough to throw around. I cling to enough hope to keep me alive. But this other Hope, with a hint of change coming in like an Indian Summer, lifts me along toward my true dream for humanity.
Now, let's hope I can muster the class and honor embodied in that Hope come November, when my cubemate howls in dismay. Onward.