An alternate title of this diary could have been: Why I've given up on the media, polling companies, and America, possibly New Mexico, most of Planet Earth and Some of Those Damned Star Trek Alien Species--Y'Know, the Ones That Look More Human Or Whatever.
While its moment has passed, for most of this morning on the Boston.com website affiliated with the supposedly decent Boston Globe newspaper (or as I prefer to call it, the New York Times, but with a couple articles about Dorchester thrown into the classifieds), had the following AP story:
http://www.boston.com/...
I think I officially retire from having an opinion about anything. This silly little story--perhaps recognized by the AP and AP/Yahoo polling as silly--may have truly caused me to go crazy. Literally crazy.
They did a poll of pet owners to see which candidate they preferred. People who own pets--especially dogs--prefer McCain. That's it. It's official. I'm voting for Lyndon LaRouche, the Constitution Party, the Bloc Quebecois, and writing in F. Murray Abraham--but only if he agrees to talk like Salieri for his entire term. Unless the AP/Yahoo do a poll that show that residents of the Upper Midwest & Delaware who accidentally leave their garden houses connected to the side of their homes throughout the winter months think he should instead play that dude he was in Scarface who gets hanged from a helicopter instead, in which case maybe the whole country should just be cancelled.
Dog owners want McCain. They want McCain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 42% to 37% Man the life rafts, boys! IT WAS ON THE FRONT PAGE OF A REPUTABLE WEBSITE OF NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I suggest we all bail out on Obama. Call out the scuba team and tell them to bring biohazard waste bags with them, because this campaign's dead in the water! Luckily, it turns out that people who have seen Fast & The Furious II: Electric Bugaloo but forgot to order popcorn prefer scuba teams to fly fishing 73% to 50%, and all 123% of our fine public can agree that's overwhelming.
Thank you AP. Thank you Yahoo. I'm calling it quits on America and moving to Greenland, where dogs are illegal and those who own them are punished with a sentence of living in Greenland, so Obama should win hands down.
I need some meds. Put me to sleep. I don't think I can go on. I'd raise the white flag and surrender to somebody, but a recent AP/Yahoo poll shows that people who don't understand how a sugary beverage like Coke Zero could have NO CALORIES and not turn your insides into petrified wood prefer green flags to white, by a 2 to 1 margin.