Hey California, you know that guy we keep telling you about? The Republican mouthpiece that Keith almost hit with a shovel yesterday? The guy whose idiotic show you sleep through every morning? My bet - you'll get to see him prime time pretty soon - on Fox or on the Surreal Life.
I first began to notice Mr. Scarborough in 2004, after one of the Vice-Presidential debates. It was the one where John Edwards had the temerity to mention Cheney's gay daughter. If you weren't alive then, I'll recap:
Cheney: I hate gays
Edwards: Um...dude...? Your daughter is gay.
Well, after that, there was all kinds of manufactured outrage from the right, which of course, they bungled, because their only references for gay people at the time were Will and Grace. If you weren't alive at the time, I'll recap that series:
Will: I'm gay
Grace: oh noez. Well I'm sure if you weren't you'd totally marry me
Will: ok. whatev.
Anyway, Scarborough was like the twelfth republican I saw that night who needed to vent all that fake outrage, and coming on the heels of Karen Hughes' own fake outrage, it was about all I could take. Again, a recap for those who weren't alive then:
Karen Hughes: How dare he mention Cheney's dead gay son
Scarborough: How dare he talk about Cheney's dead gay daughter. Wait, isn't she alive? Hmmm... that's even MORE offensive. I'm doubly outraged.
And so began my four year love affair with my own deep burning hatred for a man I would come to know simply as, playdoughface.
Fast forward to 2008. MSNBC is all the rage, gathering curious viewers faster than a traffic accident. Its 24 hour cycle is rapidly becoming jam-packed with the journalistic stylings of giants like Chris Matthews and KO. It is on the verge of greatness, but for one lead weight: an eastern AM time slot held by the world's biggest racist (did I say racist? I meant axe-murderer / jackal-worshipper / sleepwalker). In case you weren't born yet in 2006 (or was it 2007?) his show went like this:
Don Imus: Blah. Nappy-headed hos. Blah
Jesse Jackson: I'm waiting...
Don Imus: Sorry, my bad.
Network: You're fired.
That created a giant douche vacuum, which the network tried admirably to fill:
Smerconish: Hi, I'm cancelled
But finally, from the ashes of the 1 day Smerconish show, emerged a hero, annealed by 4 years in the desert eating nothing but poi and reading Gloria Anzaldua anthologies. He was a newer, fresher, more enlightened conservative, the kind MSNBC would not be afraid to put on the air while half the country was sleeping.
His sidekick, Mika Brzsnkzrczwp, somewhat changed from her appearance on Monster's inc., soon gained national notoriety when she refused to prolong discussion of a tired Paris Hilton story, and instead focus on a much more important story: the efficacy of modern paper shredders.
For a while, this dynamic duo was unstoppable, and their destiny of Prime Time celebrity seemed all but guaranteed. Their 3-hour program attracted a veritable who's who of Washington insiders and provided depth and sophistry (that means sophistication, right?) to an otherwise vapid pundit landscape. Here are some highlights:
Joe: Why can't Obama close the deal?
Mika: Yeah but...
Joe: I rest my case.
Well, sadly, August 26th, 2008, proved to be the beginning of the end of that dream of superstardom, when Mr. Scarborough, fatigued from a day of hard-nosed reporting from the Democratic Convention, morphed into a giant republican manchild on national TV. Here is the transcript:
Shuster: why don't you stop being a republican mouthpiece?
Joe: Why don't you come to work on time for a change?
Shuster: Real mature.
Joe: Go F*ck yourself
UPDATE: Video from comments below (thanks, Paddykraska - I had total equipment failure this AM)
And so begin the last days of a titan. It's sad, really, especially since half the country only got to glimpse his greatness through brief exchanges like this:
http://www.youtube.com/...
Joe. You will be missed.
Update: Obligatory OMG REC LIST! update. I'd like to thank my mom and my spiritual advisor, Pastor Hagee (yes, he's my mom, you got an issue?)
Update II (disclaimer): Joe did not actually drop an F-Bomb (that I... know of). I was paraphrasing above. Also, Grace did not really say "oh noez".
Update III: a thanks to sluggahjells for the push.