So . . . we don't have that much left in the Convention. The keynote's done, Teddy's done, Hilary's done. There's Barack's speech. And there's also . . . the roll-call vote. You know: They start with Alabama, then Alaska, then Arizona, and so on, down the list. In whatever order, alphabetical or not.
Back in the day, the roll call used to give a bloviating politician from each state the chance to trumpet his state's virtues. So, for New York, the mayor or governor or local ward heeler would reach for the mic and say, "Madam Secretary, the proud and honorable State of New York, the home of Lady Liberty, of Ellis Island, through which half of America came to America, the home of Wall Street bulls and Broadway shows, is pleased as punch to cast" some electoral votes for candidate FuturePresident, some other electoral votes for VibrantChallenger, and a few for AlsoRan.
The roll-call vote is normally a bit of a snoozer, and it takes a lot of time. So we need a more disciplined, and dare I say, humorous approach to liven it up. I would suggest that the delegations make McCain's real estate empire the theme.
So it looks as though we will have a roll-call vote, at least until Hillary moves to nominate Barack by acclamation. You know what the media will do with this: they will keep a running tally of how many votes Hillary gets, and turn this into a story about how many of her delegates are holding out. They want a story about a floor fight.
We need to prevent the Hillary-versus-Barack story from getting any more play. And the way to do it is by creating another story about the roll-call vote. A story that is telling and funny, and sends a message that we want to send. In short, a floor fight, but not about who is the nominee.
So let's assume that we go in alphabetical order. Alabama casts its votes. Alaska casts its votes. Perhaps American Samoa gets its moment in the sun. Then we get to . . . Arizona.
Suppose someone picks from the Arizona delegation picks up the mic and says, "Madam Secretary, before we get to the voting, I'd like to give the convention a status report on the McCain houses issue. We have been able to ascertain that within the bounds of the state of Arizona, the McCains own [two] properties. However, we think one of those is a compound with several residences on it, and we are doing our best to determine how many houses are there. Once we know for sure -- or once Senator McCain remembers -- we'll let the party know."
The convention goes nuts for 30 seconds, with everyone shaking their key chains. And then Arizona casts its votes.
Arizona shows the way on this. So then some other delegations get into the act. Here are some ways they could do so:
-- California, Nevada, and Virginia (if the voting gets to Virginia) could all mention the real estate that the McCains actually own in those states.
-- A few other states could mention any real estate that the McCains no longer own, but used to own, in those states.
-- A few delegations (Michigan? Florida?) could say that given their depressed housing markets, if McCain doesn't care enough to remember how many he has, they wish he would buy a house in their states to prop up real estate prices.
-- Then a delegation (say, Illinois) announces that it's worked up a running total. And suggests that the total is eight. A few delegations later, someone says that they disagree with the Illinois total, and think the real number is ten.
-- A few states with prominent universities and medical institutions could mention how difficult it is for McCain to remember the answer to this issue. Minnesota could say that even the economists at the U of M can't figure it out, and the gerontologists at the Mayo Clinic understand why it's so difficult.
Near the end of the roll call vote, some delegation will have to sum up the state of knowledge on the issue. "Here's what we know. Here's what we don't know."
I'm sure there are other ways for other delegations to get involved. Perhaps the convention could get into a "less filling - tastes great" disagreement over the exact number. And lo! We have a floor fight. "Eight!" "Ten!" "Eight!" "Ten!" The realtors start a floor demonstration in favor of more McCain mansions.
Wouldn't this be a hoot? It's a narrative about the roll-call vote that is novel, that distracts from the running tally of votes for Hillary, and that even creates its own running tally. The media will have to write about it, because it's funny and memorable.
And it's focused and on message. Not to mention true.