Oh yeah, I'll admit it - it's a great story. Sarah Palin's "story" would make a boffo "Lifetime Movie Network" movie...
(Tonight - on LMN: "Mommy Goes to Washington: the Sally Pullham Story")
"Sally," a plucky, noble, no-nonsense, good-looking soccer mom (only, get this: she's from the Frozen North, so she's a hockey mom!) gets involved with the local government of her "Northern Exposure"-like town out of a sense of duty, instilled in her by her crotchety, cantankerous (but heroic and noble) father.
(Editor's note: I'm thinking "Sally" should be played by Bonnie Hunt, or maybe Gina Gershon - god, that mouth; whoever it is they'll need to listen to a lot of skits from "Prairie Home Companion" to get her voice and cadence down. And "Pops" should be played, of course, by Wilford Brimley. And no "Sally, you'll never grow old" jokes, please.)
(Our story continues...)
"Sally" becomes well-known around the rural-frozen over-unnamed state, from some no-nonsense policy she enacts as part-time mayor of her town. I dunno, she starts cracking down on salmon-poaching or something. Doesn't matter, whatever it is, they portray her as a down-to-earth but courageous "reformer".
She miraculously ends up in the statehouse of Alaska the unnamed and/or fictional northerly state.
(Editor's note: maybe we should just set this in Canada?) (Editor's note: nah - Fox News-Americans hate those commies.)
She continues to develop this "reformer Republican" image, all the more amazing to onlookers because we all know that "reformer Republican" is a perpetual oxymoron.
One day when her beloved Fascist Republican Party is in dangerous, self-destructive turmoil (Editor's note: should we come up with a different party name, or maybe just leave the party un-named?), the call comes:
"Sally? This is Senator McLouvin, your party's nominee for President.
"No! It's pronounced "Mc-LOO-vin", not "Mc-LOVE-in"!
"Anyway, look - we need you. The only way I can save my ass in November is by throwing a hail Mary pass, and hoping it connects. You're my ball. Uh, football. You know - in the metaphor. Yeah.
"Anyhoo, I need you for my VP nominee. It's our only chance. Everybody else we've looked at is a dog. A true lead balloon.
"But America is gonna LOVE you, Sally. We just KNOW it. It doesn't matter that you've only been in politics for three years, and that that includes your time as PTA president. You're plucky, noble, and no-nonsense, and pretty easy on the eyes, if you know what I mean. The American people always fall in love with women like you! It helps them forget about their whining for a while.
"Come serve the Party, Sally. Hell, pretend you're serving your country if it makes you feel better about it."
BUT, Sally has secrets in her life. Dark secrets. The kind where family and duty come crashing against each other, hot and sweaty-like.
(Editor's note: does this mean that Sally and the Senator do the nasty? `Cause if it does, we'd better get someone to play the Senator who won't turn everyone's stomach. Good thing Brimley's already cast as Pops.)
(Last Editor's note: if they do end up doing the nasty, we should work in a "McLove-in" joke - maybe she could call him that during the afterglow scene, and they'll both laugh. Don't forget: no smoking afterwards!)
Be sure to join us next week for the world premiere of "Mommy Goes to Washington II: Electric Boogaloo: The Massacre" on LMN. Check local listings.