(With thanks and apologies to Judith Viorst)
I went to sleep with polls in my favor and when I woke up they weren't in my favor and Cindy said my hair is messed up and I called her a bad name and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week.
On Monday people were nervous about the economy and Barack said smart things about the economy and I said the fundamentals were strong and everyone laughed. I think I'll move to Australia.
On the Straight Talk Express Sarah got to sit by the window and the reporters started chanting "We want Mac" and I wasn't allowed to go play with them. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week.
On Tuesday Carly said I wasn't good enough to be a CEO of a company but people think that Barack is good enough to run a company. I told Carly I hope you sit on a tack.
On Wednesday people thought that Barack could bring change but that I couldn't bring change. Who needs change? I think I'll move to Australia.
On Thursday I was asked about the president of Spain. But Zapatero, Chavez, Latin America, Spain. How was I supposed to know all this stuff. And who needs Spain anyway?
I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good very bad week.
I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible very bad week because when I said that if I was president I would fire the head of the SEC people said I couldn't fire the head of the SEC.
Who needs the SEC?
I could tell it was going to be a terrible horrible no good very bad week.
I could tell because Chuck Hagel said he wasn't Sarah's friend, and Sarah said she was more important than me, and when I talked people left the room. I hope they all sit on a tack.
I hope you sit on a tack.
It's been a terrible horrible no good very bad week.
That's what it was because at the end of the week people made fun of me for not knowing who the president of Spain is but I do know who he is and I don't have to let him visit my house if I don't want to because maybe we're not friends. And Sarah got mad when I told her not to talk about foreign policy and I was trying to help her when I interrupted her but now she's angry.
Next week, I said, I'm going to Australia.
And then when I started crying Cindy said I was a crybaby, and while I was yelling at her everyone stared at me.
I am having a terrible horrible no good very bad week I told everyone.
When we went to meet with more Republicans at campaign stops they thought I was confused and asked for Sarah, but I said that I had to come too. They said please don't visit anymore.
My assistant told them I invented the Blackberry and I tried to call Cindy on my Blackberry but I think I called Australia.
I want to wear my cowboy pajamas but they're in the wash, so I had to put on my other pajamas. Cindy told me that everyone has bad days, even in Australia. And she and Sarah even bought me a ticket there to check it out.