The Dems have been keeping their powder dry. Arid. Dessicated. A veritable Sahara of powder. Can't filibuster a Supreme Court nominee...gotta keep that powder dry, ya' know. Can't cut off funding for the war, gotta let that powder get a little drier.
Well, here's a clue for the Democratic leadership: that powder is as dry as it's ever gonna get. And this crisis opportunity has presented itself at the most propitious time. Join me, won't you, on the other side, as we explore the many wonderful uses to which that dry powder can be put.
Do we or do we not have a majority on both houses? Why, yes, Roxtar, I believe we do. Can a bailout pass Congress without Democratic participation? Well, if I correct recall "How a Bill becomes a Law", it would require a majority vote of both houses of Congress. QED, the bailout cannot become law without Democratic participation.
Oh, yeah. Let's participate. Tell ya' what Mr. President. You want $700B worth of bail-out, you've got to give us $700B worth of something. Not beads and trinkets, either. You've got to accept our terms, beeyotch!
First, a televised address, in which you apologize for the staggering incompetence of your administration in allowing this pus-filled abomination of a financial system to fester to the point of exploding. You will then propose that the Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act be nullified, and that we return immediately to the regulation scheme practiced under Glass-Steagall. But when you do this, you will make reference to the fact that the "Gramm" in GLB is Senator McCain's chief economic advisor Phil Gramm, who led us to this sorry state of affairs. Kindly spit on the ground every time his name is mentioned and mention it frequently.
Second, you will announce the support of the Republican Party for universal, single payer health care. In fact, you will give us proxies from every Republican Congressman and Senator, so that it passes unanimously. SCHIP? We'll pass it, you'll sign it. Stem-cell research? Ditto. Fairness Doctrine? Restored with a stroke of your presidential pen, but you've got to guarantee that Limbaugh and Hannity will be smiling over your shoulder as you sign it. And I want real smiles, dammit, not those strychnine-induced ricti that McIdiot squeezes out like he's constipated.
Third, you'll trot Dick Cheney out to tender his resignation.
Fourth, you'll get on Air Force One, upon which you'll sign your resignation as you make final approach to the Hague. Oh, and at all times relevant herein, you'll be wearing lederhosen and a dunce cap.
So, Mr. President.....you really think this is important? Then do the patriotic thing, and accept our bi-partisan proposal. And don't forget....that powder is mighty fucking dry, and the least little spark could set it off.....