Use this simple point system to help our media pundits judge in advance just how badly John McCain defeated Barack Obama in the debate!
- When John McCain smiles, even after describing something as ghoulish as bodies falling from the World Trade Center, he gets 50 points for being "far more comfortable" than Barack Obama.
- When John McCain uses the word "imprisoned", he automatically gets 500 points. If he uses that word 5 times, it's 2500 points, and so on.
- When John McCain utters the words "for five long years", he gets a 1000 point bonus. If he says those words 5 times, it's 5000 points, and so on.
- When Barack Obama shows up and looks 40 years younger than John McCain, deduct 500 points from Obama for appearing "inexperienced".
- When Barack Obama tries to make the point that Saddam had nothing to do with 9/11, give John McCain 5000 points when he replies, "Real Americans are a lot more comfortable with Saddam dead."
- When Barack Obama tries to make the point that it is horribly dangerous that we've left Osama Bin Laden alive, give John McCain 5000 points when he says he alone has a secret plan to kill Bin Laden
- When Barack Obama has the gall to ask John McCain what that secret plan might be - or why he hasn't shared this secret plan with the U.S. Military, give John McCain 1000 points when he replies "That's almost as dumb as telling our terrorist enemies when we're withdrawing from Iraq."
- When John McCain says, "As 87% of the citizens of America know, I'm just better on national security than my young opponent!", he gets an automatic bonus of 2000 points.
- When Barack Obama suggests that John McCain's continued support for staying in Iraq, thereby keeping military resources from Afghanistan, might well be counter-productive in the war on terror, give John McCain 7500 points when he points out that Barack Obama never served in Vietnam.
- When John McCain declares he is calling off any remaining debates by saying: "Why would anybody vote for Barack Obama after we've proven he won't protect this country!", he gets 10,000 points.
Tallying the points and using them is simple. Whoever has the most points, wins the debate, and therefore, the presidency. It is mandatory the pundit throw in "There really was never much question who would win this debate tonight. John McCain is simply better on national security."