In a Presidential Campaign shocker, GOP Nominee John McCain has announced that he is adding a second Vice Presidential Nominee.
"My friends, in these times of economic crisis at home and war against Islamic Fundamental Extreme Radical Scary Evil-Doers across our globe, it has become clear to me that the job of Vice President is too big for one man, one woman, or even a Pit Bull crossed with a Barracuda," McCain told reporters in New York Thursday, "As a result, my friends, I've ask General Colin Powell to join our ticket for change, I mean, reform, because he brings the necessary experience to reform Wershinton."
The McCain Campaign sent out a press release detailing the division of duties of the dual Vice Presidency. In that statement, McCain made it clear that since the public has become increasingly weary of Gov. Sara Palin's experience in foreign policy, domestic policy, taking questions, and being an accountable leader, Colin Powell will be added to the ticket. The campaign also said that Powell would have all the duties of Foreign Policy with no such input on domestic or economic factors. And Palin, would basically spend her four years as VP building pipelines across the US.
"When we announced Sara Palin as VP, we thought everyone would be so excited to have a woman on the ticket, people wouldn't care that her only foreign policy experience was putting a message in a bottle and hoping it would float from Alaska to Russian Prime Minister Putin. Well, that honeymoon is over, and we are 10 points down," Tucker Bounds, McCain Spokesman said earlier, "it's time to shake things up again and distract the American people from the real issues by putting another minority status Vice Presidential nominee on our team."
The move, McCain aides say, will enable Sara Palin to focus on what she does best; repeating the same stump, filed with miss-truths and exaggerations, speech over and over. Colin Powell, they say, will debate Joe Biden, while Palin is now slated to be the Moderator.
"Sara Palin, has an extensive background as a journalist in Alaska," Nancy Pfotenhauer, spokeswoman for the McCain Campaign told MSNBC News, "she is the most qualified person in the world to moderate the debate. Now Americans will have all three Vice President Candidates on the same stage, but without it being Two-on-One."
The move, sources say, is not unprecedented. They note that during the Constitutional Conventions in the early days of our country, leaders considered a joint-Presidency with one man in charge of domestic affairs and the other tasked to handle foreign matters.
"My friends, I was there when we had that debate in Philadelphia. They called me a Maverick for bucking with the other members of the Western Territories and backing the Two Presidents plan, McCain said in is speech. "Now, my friends, I can think of no way better to put my country first than to nominate two Vice Presidents who will help fill the void of my complete lack of substance and style," McCain said, "Powell and Palin, my friends, are the black man and the woman I need to put my country first by winning this election."
Colin Powell was not available for comment as the John McCain campaign said that between now and November 4th, Powell will be not be talking any questions. "American's don't want debates, they don't want to hear the answers to the most important issues they are facing," Carly Fiorina, a McCain spokeswoman, told CNN's Wolf Blitzer, "they want excitement, and this is an exciting distraction that only John McCain can deliver to this country."
Wolf Blitzer responded, "We'll stay so on top of this developing story, that could have profound affects on the race for the White House, by staying right here, with the most experienced political team on television, here in the Situation Room, without leaving, ever, between now and the election, I'll be right here, with you, in the Situation Room, they're bringing in a bed and a tank full of adderall and we'll stay right here, so you don't miss anything, as long as you are in the Situation Room."
Pundits were stunned across the political scene in Washington today. David Gerggen called the move the greatest political play ever, then noted that he had also worked for Bill Clinton. Pat Buchanan said that the move was genius, a sure-fire winner. Chris Matthews' head literally exploded on air this morning appearing as a guest on Morning Joe, meanwhile Joe Scarborough, unfazed by the death of Matthews', continued to talk about how this reminded him of the Gingrich Revolution.
Although it is unclear what the implications will be, the McCain campaign told reporters today, if that stunt yesterday with the postponing of the debates didn't do enough to distract the American people, than this surely will.