We interrupt your midnight buffet of economy-cratering, McCain-flailing, and Palin-bumbling for a look at a neglected member of the presidential race, Sen. Joe Biden, and the reason he is unfit to hold the second-highest office in the land.
Our instructor will be Michael Medved, radio talk-show host, general blowhard, Town Hall blowhole, and family-values expert.
This evening, Mr. Medved will be lecturing us on the central facet of Biden's unfitness to become vice-president: Biden doesn't earn enough money.
Indeed. Follow us through the wingnut mirror and marvel...
In his latest essay, "Biden's Financial History Disqualifies Him For High Office," Mr. Medved takes a look at the Biden bankbook, and does not like what he sees. Not one damn bit:
In 2007, when announcing his second presidential bid, he reported a total net worth of $100,000 to $150,000, making him the least prosperous member of the U.S. Senate. As the Washington Post sympathetically observed: "Biden has spent virtually his whole life in public service and does not have much else aside from a small array of mutual funds and cash accounts."
Least prosperous member of the Senate! That's pretty damning. Obviously Biden didn't go about cultivating the right friendships in Washington: people like Jack Abramoff and other lobbyists who could provide him with things besides a "small array of mutual funds and cash accounts."
Or, like Medved, sell $49.95 online subscriptions to become something called a "Medhead."
Perhaps if I were a Medhead, this argument would make more sense:
At the time of his selection as Senator Obama's running mate, some of his Biden's die-hard fans took perverse pride in his shaky financial situation. But why should any American feel proud of reaching retirement age (Biden will turn 66 this November) without accumulating notable savings, assets or property?
Biden's disqualification, it seems, is his unwillingness to work second jobs -- or both sides of the fence -- as Medved did when he was a movie critic and "script doctor" and paid adviser for some of the studios whose films he reviewed:
A television film critic, Michael Medved, has shocked some members of his profession by admitting he accepted money from studios to rewrite scripts and advised studios how to market their films.
Richard Schickel, a critic for Time magazine, said, "I don't know of any respected critic who will participate -- paid or unpaid -- in the marketing of contemporary movies."...
Mr. Medved reviews films from Paramount and its competitors. In newspaper advertisements for Paramount's "Wayne's World," Mr. Medved is quoted as calling it "inventive, outrageous and irresistible."
Mr. Medved said Paramount paid him between $8,000 and $10,000 to testify; he billed the studio for between 40 and 50 hours at $200 an hour.
He said he occasionally rewrote screenplays, and had received money from both Warner Brothers and Columbia Pictures for script writing.
Mr. Medved also said he consulted with studios and producers about how to market their films, and assessed their box-office potential before their release.
See, Joe? This is the sort of thing you want to do to augment that pitiful $250K salary and get your part of the "American Dream":
Still, Biden's inept handling of his personal finances, and his even more pathetic failure to contribute his resources to communal organizations, demonstrate an appalling lack of judgment and maturity. The records shows his emphatic rejection of the American dream of steady, slow economic advancement by restrained spending and regular saving.
How dare you, Joe Biden? How dare any real American emphatically reject the American dream by not making as much money as he can?
Medved's unassailable logic is beginning to seep its way through the wingnutosphere and into the pages of the dailies, as evidenced by yesterday's editorial in the Mobile Press-Register:
Sen. Biden probably would be wealthy by any definition if he had made wiser use of his money. Michael Medved, a commentator for Townhall.com, pointed out that the well-paid senator had managed to reach retirement age "without accumulating notable savings, assets or property."
And the Democrats are trying to argue Sarah Palin is unqualified to be vice president?
Let's check Ms. Palin's bona fides for that job using the Medved yardstick, shall we?
Last week the Obama-Biden campaign released 10 years' worth of tax returns for Sen. Joseph Biden, D-Del., in a move intended to pressure the McCain-Palin camp to do the same for Palin, currently governor of Alaska.
A spokesman for Palin Thursday reiterated the campaign's stance on the matter. "We plan to release Governor Palin's tax returns well before the election," said Taylor Griffin.
I'm sure, by Medved's Yardstick, she's a finer person than Joe Biden; I saw that moose château on the Charlie Gibson interview, along with the seaplane moored at the Palins' private dock. What I haven't seen are her tax returns (or even a clear explanation of how her First Dude, Tawwwwd, makes a living), but I'm sure the woman is making money as fast as she can, and...
Oh, wait:
Palin Accepted $25,000 in Gifts, Alaska Records Show
Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, who has made a crackdown on gift-giving to state officials a centerpiece of her ethics reform agenda, has accepted gifts valued at $25,367 from industry executives, municipalities and a cultural center whose board includes officials from some of the largest mining interests in the state, a review of state records shows.
Michael Medved can sleep well tonight, tax return or no tax return. By his yardstick, Sarah Palin is a regular John Quincy Adams.