I posted a diary Saturday that was objectionable and I apologize. It was an attempt to be humorous, one proven to be a failure by the number of people I ticked off. I was mean-spirited and petty, and got defensive about negative comments. I transgressed rules (for which I plead ignorance, knowing full well that’s no excuse) regarding deletion and subject repetition.
Yesterday’s posting has humbly been removed. I’ll do better in the future, I promise. I say this in all sincerity.
That kind of writing wasn't what I intended or wanted to post here. After weeks of reading diaries, I realized this was the audience I’d been seeking for more serious considerations. I find the other sites I post at are fine for breezy chat and amusing anecdotes, but lacking when it comes to approaching challenging and thoughtful discourse, particularly the political.
I felt overwhelmingly and warmly welcomed by your responses to my first post; it was as if, for the first time, I’d found a readership that was sympathetic, helpful and supportive, one that cared not only about my personal issues but actually took umbrage at my having to suffer them. I hope I haven’t jeopardized that initial acceptance, and ask you to put up with my fumbling and faux pas.
I dislike intensely this side of my behavior; it’s not how I – or those who know me – typically would describe my personality. I ask your patience while I learn how to do all the things enumerated in the FAQs...it may take a while, please bear with me.
I’d like to get back to the topics that brought me here: disability, the bureaucracy of Social Security, homelessness, Medicare, prescriptions, insurance. I touched on each of these in my first posting (and the difficulty I had choosing to speak out publicly about them), but each deserves its own, intense analysis and scrutiny.
Attempting to impose some order on the responses so that I could mentally digest them, I sorted them into categories:
- Sharing stories – around 45 people had similar stories of abuse by the systems, which, when taken as a whole, make for compelling and heartbreaking reading
- Advice and information – from those who have been there or work within the system
- Poor treatment of elderly and needy – what it’s like to be homeless and what this disgraceful behavior says about us as a nation
- Politics of insurance and health care – lobbyists and politicians, national healthcare agenda
Most everything else fell under sympathy and support, and some really nice compliments. Much appreciation for those that explained how things are done here, like tip jars &c., and for chastising sideliners about spelling and punctuation. I was thrilled to see my first diary recommended, even if I didn’t fully understand what that meant. I can’t quite describe, put my finger on, how your words made me feel stronger while they coddled in a blankie.
Then there are the topics raised in some of your responses that demanded more detailed explanations than could be offered within the format.
- More about my life story and disability, and the particulars of my personal mess with Social Security (why I qualify for food stamps but not Medicaid; why I can’t get supplemental assistance; why I "earn too much" to receive a stimulus check – it’s beyond Kafka-esque)
- How Medicare Part D was created and by whom, who makes out like a bandit and who suffers the greatest
- How disability applications are being tied up by insurance companies hoping to avoid paying for workmen’s compensation, and how some organizations (like the Long Island Rail Road) are abusing the system and screwing it up for everyone else
So – if any of you are still with me, I ask your help in choosing the subject of my next diary (it will help me if you do).