The question is not whether we have a relationship, but how our relationships will take shape. (Craig Rennebohm, From the Street to Stability, p. 3).
We share our cities and towns with people who are homeless or are being treated for serious chronic mental illnesses. But though most of these neighbors are ambulatory, coherent, and otherwise capable of a diverse social life, we tend to hurry past as if they were invisible. Our very effort to avoid connecting with them testifies that we feel connected at some level; the connection is a given, not a choice.
What we make a choice about is how the connection plays out.
I have a close relative with a mental illness who once was homeless for a year. So for me turning away can be harder than pausing to share a word or two - it's as if the person camped in a doorway or spare-changing on the sidewalk is standing in for a member of my family. Others may find walking away difficult because everyone is someone's daughter or son.
Of course, nobody should engage with strangers who seem the least bit dangerous. And in the safest situations we can be too busy to stop. But sometimes we don't reach out simply because doing so feels awkward.
For me, connecting with a stranger goes best when I can forget myself and my needs: there's nothing I must prove about myself, and there's no goal beyond acknowledging the presence and the worth of the other guy. After "hello," my Old Reliable topic is whatever's happening in front of the two of us - weather, traffic, noise, a passing dog, a tree leafing out or losing leaves. If the other person engages, I look for something about him or her that I like, so I can wordlessly communicate appreciation as we talk. If the person turns away - this rarely happens - well, there was still that moment of human recognition.
Walking along my city's streets I pretend to be living in a village where I know everybody even if they've forgotten my name.
Please see the entire diary series on this and related topics. And if you'd rather email me than post a comment here at Kos, write to freestyle.volunteer@earthlink.net.