A few days ago I wrote a comment, sort of at the end of a long bunch of comments on a diary regarding the writer’s frustration with the mortgage bailout of foolish owners. I dashed it off fairly quickly, but at the time thought is was one of my better comments. In checking my hotlist this morning, I found that at least one reader thought my comment was pretty good. So I decided to polish it up a little and post it as a diary. It is long, but bear with me.
I remember at age thirty when my life had fallen apart, my husband had left me and the kids for a cutie. I had a job that paid a step above minimum wage and a child support check, and struggled (successfully) to pay the mortgage and bills so the kids could stay in their home.
At that point in my life, even at work, I was big into "Fair". I had been a good person and a good wife and mother. At work, I knew I worked harder, it was not fair that someone else got to do the fun job. It wasn’t fair that my husband left me. It wasn’t fair that in my family there was no support for the idea of me going to college, girl children were supposed to get married and have babies. Life just wasn’t fair!
I went into a group therapy situation (couldn't afford private therapy) - and one of the first lessons that I had to learn was "Who ever told you life would be fair?" I remember reading in a self help book that if life was fair, we would all be vacationing in the Bahamas with the Rockefellers. Being a fairly smart person, I learned - Life is not fair. There will always be someone who had it easier than you. Always.
However, I also learned that once you stop worrying about the fairness of it all, and just got on with living doing your best every day and appreciating the blessings that you do have, well, life just gets easier. I learned that when I get up in the morning the only thing that really matters is what I think about the person that is looking back at me in the mirror.
It has been 35 years since then. Life has been good to me. I have a wonderful second husband. I got a degree (night school) and had a very successful career. I/we played by the rules in things financial. I/we did not go crazy on houses or fancy cars. I/we saved for the future. I/we will weather this economic mess even though we are retired and will not have time on our side.
I am not angry at the unfairness of the mortgage plan that says the guy next door maybe getting help even when they did foolish things. Nor am I angry about my taxes going to pay for the stimulus plan. You see, my grown son has done some pretty foolish things in his life. And last December he lost his job - and anything that will help him and his family right now is a good thing. Anything that might help the economy turn around so he can FIND another job, is a good thing. And my daughter, who has always been financially smart, well she is a banker. (Small regional, thank heaven.) And anything that will stabilize the banking system will help my daughter. And her husband, his small business went belly up in 2007. He has a new job, a good one, but the company is hurting. And anything that will stabilize the economy so he can keep his job is a good thing.
And my younger brother, age 54. He was a regional executive for a title company. Last year he had to go around several states and lay off people. After he finished his bosses came to town and laid him off. You see, he just made too much money, you know, and times are tough in real estate. My brother was lucky and got another (less $$$) job. But he works out of town four days a week, and he works huge hours with lots of stress - and I fear for his health. So anything that will make real estate a little bit better, that is good for him. (Mixed feeling there, he was a big GWB fan.)
I have another brother, worked for TWA, now American Airlines. He is hanging on by his fingernails until he reaches age 65 because of the health care coverage. What can be said about how tough it is for the airline business? This brother always played by the rules. He started to work for TWA when he was 25. What happened to his TWA pension is not FAIR. All those years, poof. But if he makes it another year he will have okay pension from American.
So you see, even in my little world, doing what makes things better, even if it is not FAIR, doesn't seem as important as my son, my daughter, my brothers, and most important, the future of my grandchildren.
We as a country must do what we must to first stop the bleeding, and then hopefully turn things around. Even if that includes letting people keep their houses that don't deserve it. Even if that means the bankers on Wall Street (that in my opinion should be shot) get to keep their jobs. (But not their bonuses, that is where I draw the line).
If you haven't done stupid things, be proud. But if you are angry at the fairness of it all, get over it, who ever said life is fair.
Grandma Jo