Law abiding citizens not so much. Especially if you protested our former War-Criminal-in-Chief's War against Iraq, look like you might not own a home or have health insurance, look like you might try to marry a Canadian citizen, have any kind of crime that's not a war crime in your record (even ten years ago!), or otherwise look like you might come to Canada and never leave.
But as for a mass murderer and torturer like George W. Bush (confirmed by no less a hippie outfit than the Red Cross), we'll roll out the red carpet, have the Mounties stand at attention, and load the shoe cannons.
In a warped kind of way, I can see why Canada wants to keep Americans out of their country. Let's face it. 50 million of us don't have health insurance. Many of us can't afford prescription drugs and food and might want to get in on Canadian Government Cheese. Sort of like how the US keeps Mexicans out because their lower standard of living allows their workers to charge less for their labor, thereby driving down wages for ordinary Americans. (I do have some mortgage-backed securities for sale for those who believe this).
I'm sure plenty of us have our horror stories of being detained and subjected to the Great Canadian Border Proctoscope or even being denied entry altogether. I've got some stories below. You could share yours in the comments and we could send them off to Canada for their consideration perhaps.
By way of review, our beloved former Torturer-In-Chief plans to take his first post-presidential trip to a foreign country. No doubt, he chose Calgary because it's a little to the right of Midland, TX. The Occasion is mostly a bunch of oil men thanking a fellow oil man for driving up the price of oil so they could buy another dozen Bentleys, get some more cosmetic surgery for the wife (in the States, of course), and buy a few more Canadian politicians.
It's a good "friendly" venue to discover what most of us suspect. That George W. Bush and his fellow conspirators will have a tough time traveling abroad--especially to countries like Canada and most of Europe that have a statutory obligation to arrest and try him for War Crimes he definitely committed in office. This looks like the trial balloon.
Will he be arrested for the war crimes he committed in office as soon as he debarks his plane and heads for customs? Will they even apply the same proctoscope to him that gets applied to us non-torturing non-war criminals including good law-abiding members of this community?
Don't bet on it. (These guys cover it in detail).
Lawyers Against the War (LAW) would love to hold now-citizen Bush to the law in Canada, which bars entry to anyone who "has engaged in systematic or gross human rights violations, or a war crime or a crime against humanity within the meaning of subsections 6(3) to (5) of the Crimes Against Humanity and War Crimes Act (CAHWC)." President Bush had diplomatic immunity because we were too gutless to impeach and imprison him ourselves. Former War-Criminal-In-Chief Bush, thanks to Augusto Pinochet, has no such immunity and it looks like the Harper government plans to ignore this little detail.
Specifically, the CAHWC does not require indictment or conviction, only qualified suspicion. My guess is, the recent report by the Red Cross concerning torture in CIA black sites as well as irrefutable evidence regarding torture at Gitmo, Abu Ghraib, and Bagram, not to mention the entire making up evidence then invading a sovereign country and putting its leader to death thing, aka the Iraq War, would--if the law were actually applied--not only deny entry to our former War-Criminal-In-Chief. Canada is required by statute to detain him for a full investigation.
LAW filed their objections with the conservative Harper government in February and they have ignored them. I guess we can always hope the Canadian Parliament and Judiciary is less gutless than our own. Certainly the citizenry is. They are loading their shoe cannons and planning massive protests in honor of our former Mass-Murderer-in-Chief's visit and who knows where it all might lead.
I'm not holding my breath. But I also think this is the opening act and pressure will mount on each successive government that fails to arrest this known War Criminal and his inner circle.
But Canada? Have you ever actually dealt with that load of crap, buddy?
I, like many of you, have experienced my own personal hassles trying to visit our neighbor to the north (even when they weren't ruled by the current protofascist regime).
In October of 1985, when I was in college, I was walking through a cemetery on my way home after getting smashed at a local bar. It was the shortest route and I did it all the time. But on this one occasion, as I sidled over the fence on my way out, I was greeted by the police, who gave me a ride to their local jailhouse for the night while charging me with breaking and entering (a felony).
This misdeed cost me all of $500 for a lawyer and a $250 fine--along with a stern warning from the Judge to Stay Out of the Cemetery after dark--as I pled out to misdemeanor trespassing, then pretty much forgot about this drunken footnote in my life and went about my college experience sans the shortcut through the cemetery and $750 lighter. Schaeffer became my beer of choice.
Fast forward to October of 1994, long after graduation. I was working as a traveling salesman of sorts and, finding myself in northern Maine, decided to take a weekend trip into Nova Scotia. I was able to show ample cash, gainful employment, good citizenry, and a lack of alarm bells stating that I was coming to live in Canada to live off the government.
"Yeah, right, eh. Pull that hippie VW bus over there for the proctoscope treatment, buddy." Wherein, it was discovered, that your humble narrator was once arrested and charged with a felony (B & E) 10 years ago, even though he pled to a misdemeanor, paid his fine, and made good with the powers that are, etc., etc.
Not only did they deny me entry into Canada, they tried to search my vehicle before turning me back. I summarily jumped in and drove back to the land of the free, leaving Canadian customs agents flailing their impotent fists at me for defying their authoritah. The US Customs guy, having witnessed the impotent flailing of fists, was ready to fall over laughing as he waved us through.
I had no reason to believe I would be denied entry to Canada. I had visited in "spring" of 1990, taking a rented van to see the Grateful Dead in Hamilton for some rockin' shows. "Welcome to Canada, eh! Enjoy the show. It's OK to drink the water."
I can see why they try to keep us out at the border. The people of Canada are sooooo awesome. Hamilton had set aside an entire city park for camping, opened up free hot showers, provided hay for under our tents. No big cop hassle like in the states of Clintonian "See how conservative I am? Even I'm busting hippie heads" America.
Now fast forward to 2002. I figured by then, both the 1985 misdemeanor conviction (I had it expunged) and the 1994 incident in New Brunswick were sufficiently in the past to allow for another trek across the border, this time in a full-fledged hippie school bus. I know. Stupid.
The occasion was a Rainbow Gathering in western Ontario. We got as far as Grand Marais on the north coast of Lake Superior when we started seeing the refugees dejectedly driving back into the States after being turned away at the border. The first few made it through, but then someone noticed an awful lot of hippie-looking vans and cars and started asking questions. They all seemed to be "going camping" in western Ontario.
Then someone let the word "Rainbow Gathering" drop. Suddenly, one had to show $300 CASH per day per person, proof of housing in the US, proof of medical insurance, etc., etc., etc. (Oddly enough, no one had to prove they never tortured anyone....) My friend Potato--a veteran Canadian border-crosser--made it through, but they only gave him a 3-day visa. The gathering was a bust because no one could get across the border (and the provincial government was charging people $10/day to camp and the mosquitoes would turn your head into hamburger in three minutes).
This episode also ends happily, as we refugees just gathered where we were, at Paradise Beach near Grand Marais, on the road to nowhere, 150+, complete with hippie school buses and tipis on the beach for two weeks. The people of northern MN were ecstatic to have us. Which is probably why MN gets Al Franken and Canada gets a fascist douchebag buffoon like Harper.
It didn't turn out so well for the three bozo 18-year-olds who chose to wade the Rainy River and enter Canada illegally. These new American wetbacks, of course, got caught and did SIX MONTHS in a Canadian prison.
Which brings me back to known TORTURER, MASS MURDERER, and WAR CRIMINAL George W. Bush. I doubt he'll have to wade the Rainy River or cross at Glacier National Park (a great easy entry--"just going to see the rest of the park"). He'll fly into Calgary International Airport, where he'll be greeted like a foreign dignitary by local government officials, oil men, maybe even Harper himself.
And thousands and thousands of protesters armed with signs, shoes, shoe cannons, and with The Law (and God) on Their Side.
Unlike my friend, Cheshire, who is legally unable to visit his half-Canadian children. He lives in northern Idaho so they can visit him more often, because his children can come here even though he can't go there.
And also unlike my friend, Potato, who got to visit us here in Western Oregon because his luck ran out and they stopped letting him into Canada in spite of bringing his bank statement showing a five-figure balance, the original title to his home, his health insurance card, probably even his most recent 1040. Because he picked up a hitch hiker who couldn't show sufficient cash to get in.
So what kind of horror stories do you have attempting to enter Canada?