(Diarist's note: Snark.)
Unhappy with what he was concerned might look like a habit of FOX News labeling Republicans as Democrats when they're in the news for unpleasant things, News Corp. President and CEO Rupert Murdoch early today had department heads meet with their staff (mostly copywriters and production heads), and he personally met with several of his news personalities to discover if any of them had a hand in the incident -- since many news anchors work on scripts and advise on graphics (such as textual display elements).
Here's what they said.
::IN A MEETING ROOM AT NEWS CORP.::
RUPERT MURDOCH: OK, mates, we have just a few minutes for this meeting because I've a lunch and tanning session to attend with John Boehner, but we have to get this cleared up: Who mucked up party attribution on the Sanford presser yesterday?
::silence::
MURDOCH: Nobody knows? A multibillion-dollar corporation with our three veteran fact checkers, and nobody knows who said he was a Democrat?
SEAN HANNITY: You know, with all due respect, sir, in Hannity's America, the greatest, best country God has ever given man on the face of the Earth, Mark Sanford is no Republican.
GRETA VAN SUSTEREN: On the record, sir, I thought he had left the party.
BRET BAIER: The special report that came across my desk, signed by Brit, was that Sanford was no longer one of us.
LIZ CHENEY: Dad didn't know Mark was still in the party. He thought Mark had left with Colin and those other guys.
MURDOCH: You mean the 75 percent of the country that isn't Republican?
BILL O'REILLY: Sir, if I may, we don't feel it reflects the values of the Republican party for one of its members to be identified on our network --
MURDOCH: MY NETWORK!
O'REILLY: Yes, sir. Anyway, for a Republican who's allegedly gotten caught with some bimbo, that just doesn't make us look good.
::silence::
::Everyone looks at Greta::
VAN SUSTEREN: What? I wasn't the one who shacked up with him.
MURDOCH: Focus, people. Who did this? And who did it before? This is not the first time we've done this. Come on! We know Sanford is a Republican!
::MURDOCH hears sniffling::
MURDOCH: Glenn, what the hell's wrong with you?
GLENN BECK ::weeping:: : Sir, I ... I have a real ... issue with calling him a Republican right about now. He's not showing our party's traditional family values. He's no 9-12er, I'll tell you that much. Greta, I need a hug!
SUSTEREN: You need some balls, Glenny.
MURDOCH: Cool it, Greta. Look, we've been here two minutes, and I still don't have an answer. Boehner won't wait for me. Was this some aide, or are you all telling me this is deliberate?
O'REILLY: Well, sir, hypothetically speaking, of course, ... what does it matter? Look, it's in the past! It's --
MURDOCH: Cut the slime, Bill. Look, the feeling I'm getting here is that this was deliberate. Is that true?
::silence::
MURDOCH: DAMNIT, I WANT AN ANSWER! THIS IS SHAMEFUL! NO MATTER OUR PERSONAL FEELINGS, WE HAVE TO REMAIN OBJECTIVE! WE REPORT, THEY DECIDE HE MUST BE A SECRET DEMOCRAT!
STEVE DOOCEY: Good one, sir!
MURDOCH: Get your nose out of my ass, Deuce.
DOOCEY: Heh, that's ... also funny, sir.
::O'REILLY chuckles::
DOOCEY: What's that, Billo? Something funny?
O'REILLY: Isn't is past your bedtime, Deuce?
MURDOCH: Shut your hole, O'Reilly.
O'REILLY: Sir, I really ... must ... this ...
MURDOCH: Yes?
O'REILLY: I have my radio show to get ready to do.
MURDOCH: Your radio show? Didn't I cancel that?
::silence::
MURDOCH: Look, don't let it happen again. The next time I see a Republican credited as a Democrat, the producer of the segment gets furloughed.
HANNITY: That seems a little --
::MURDOCH glares::
DOOCEY: Insufficient? We are the network that reports, not decides, sir, you said it before, sir, we're the guys --
::MURDOCH glares::
MURDOCH: And if that doesn't work, the next time it happens, whoever is on the air at the time will be doing breaking news at one of our Idaho stations for six months. The one near the Minneapolis airport.
O'REILLY: There isn't ...
::MURDOCH glares::
MURDOCH: Now, unless someone has something else to say ...
::everyone leaves the room::
::in the aftermath, BECK is heard: "Mark Foley, John Ensign, Mark Sanford ... is there even a Republican out there who still loves his wife?"
HANNITY: "Wasn't Foley a Democrat?"
O'REILLY: "Those Daily Kos pinheads are probably going to think this is real funny."::