The Gang of Six Headquarters, a new, secret location somewhere
outside of Grundy Center, Iowa.
Warning: The scenes you are about to have described for you conjure disturbing and graphic images. Reader discretion is advised for those of an idealistic bent.
Four men and one woman are seated around a cow, barricaded with
haystacks, impatiently waiting for their sixth so that they can begin
discussing the fate of health care how to get rid of
all the manure that has accumulated.
Starting clockwise from the fourth teat, they are
Un Dramatis Personae
Jeff 'Bada' Bingaman
Kent 'DINOsaur' Conrad
Charles 'Buttercup' Grassley
Olympia 'Moose and Squirrel' Snowe
Max 'Da Boss' Baucus
Mike 'The Howitzer' Enzi is rumored to be somewhere between Wyoming
and Omaha, Nebraska.
We listen in as they begin to speak.
Grassley:
"Charming spot. (He turns, advances to front, halts facing the cow.)
Inspiring prospects. (He turns to Baucus.) Let's go."
Baucus
"We can't."
Snowe:
"Why not?"
Baucus:
"We're waiting for Godot Enzo. "
Conrad:
"He didn't say for sure he'd come."
Bingaman:
"And if he doesn't come?"
Baucus:
"We'll come back tomorrow."
Grassley:
"And then the day after tomorrow."
Snowe:
"What did we do yesterday?"
Conrad:
"In my opinion we were here."
Snowe:
"You recognize the place?"
Conrad:
"I didn't say that."
Bingaman:
"Don't let's do anything. It's safer."
Conrad:
"Let's wait till we know exactly how we stand."
Snowe:
"I'm curious to hear what he's to offer. Then we'll take it or leave it."
Conrad:
"What exactly did we ask him for?"
Bingaman:
"Oh... Nothing very definite."
Grassley:
"A kind of prayer."
Baucus:
"Precisely."
Snowe:
"And what did he reply?
Baucus:
"That he couldn't promise anything."
Grassley:
"That he'd have to think it over. (Pause) Consult his base."
Baucus:
"Ask the insurance companies. (Pause) It's the normal thing."
Bingaman:
"Where do we come in?"
Conrad:
"Come in? On our hands and knees."
Bingaman:
As bad as that?"
Conrad:
"Your Worship wishes to assert his prerogatives?"
Bingaman:
We've no rights any more?
Cackling laugh of Baucus, stifled
It is now Act II weeks later, and there is yet more cow dung about the
place. The hay bales, for no apparent reason, are piled even higher.
Grassley:
I'm tired! (Pause) Let's go.
Baucus:
We can't.
Snowe:
Why not?
Baucus:
We're waiting for <strike>Godot</strike> Enzo.
Bingaman:
Ah (Pause. Despairing.) What'll we do, what'll we do!
Baucus:
There's nothing we can do.
Snowe:
But I can't go on like this!
Conrad:
Would you like a radish?
Snowe:
I can't go on like this.
Baucus:
We'll hang ourselves tomorrow. (Pause). Unless Godot Enzo comes.
Bingaman:
And if he comes?
Baucus:
We'll be saved.
Grassley:
Well? Shall we go?
Conrad:
Yes, let's go.
They do not move. The cow shits once more.
Waiting for Godot, a tragicomedy in 2 acts, by Samuel Becket, Act I
Waiting for Godot, a tragicomedy in 2 acts, by Samuel Becket, Act 2