Today President Bush held his final press conference. It was a beautiful, halcyon moment, but one not without its share of inevitable, even cringe-worthy Bushims. Especially in his introductory comments, when Bush admits to disliking some stories over the years and says, satirically,
"Sometimes you misunderestimated me."
Sorry, Mr. President, but that's not the case. See, what we did was OVERestimate you. We thought perhaps you would keep your campaign promise to make Washington D.C. a more bipartisan town. We thought you would take a measured, respectful tone in our nation's foreign policy. We thought you could keep your head in a crisis, not act like an uncertain and frightened juvenile.
If you underestimate someone, that means they exceed, or at least are capable of exceeding, your expectations. If you underestimate someone's ability to underachieve, you're not really underestimating them. You're overestimating them.
That wasn't the only gem from today's ultimate conference, of course.
About 30 minutes in, Bush starts talking about his frustration with attacks on his administration. His example? Efforts to "connect the dots" in the war on terror.
"People were saying, 'How come they didn't see it? How come they didn't connect the dots? ... Then we start putting policy in place, legal policy in place, to connect the dots; and all of a sudden people are saying, 'How come you're connecting the dots?'"
Wait a damn minute - it sounds like he's talking about torture here. Get into your 24 Jack Bauer mindset here. People asked how the administration failed to anticipate 9-11. In order to discover such plots we had to improve our information-gathering techniques. Instead we modified them. The legal framework was not in place to allow torture - in other words it was illegal not only according to International law and the Geneva Convention, but it was even prohibited by United States law - which we know always trumps any international accord, at least these days.
So of course the administration had to manufacture a legal justification for their actions - namely redefining what we consider to be torture. Matthew Alexander's pseudonymous recent book, How To Break a Terrorist, reveals the flaws in torture as an intelligence tactic. Alexander's preferred method? Communication, understanding and respect.
'Understanding', or what you could call wisdom, is sadly lacking in the current administration. This is evident when Bush discusses the government's apparently swift response to Hurricane Katrina by pointing to 30,000 people rescued off their roofs by helicopter in the immediate aftermath.
"I remember going to see those helicopter drivers - Coast Guard drivers - to thank you for their courageous effort to rescue people."
Come on, Mr. President - didn't you serve in the Texas Air National Guard? In the real world we call people who drive helicopters PILOTS.
Our president is almost certainly not evil and probably not as stupid as some people like to think, but he's a dangerously simple person and we're better off rid of him as President. I sincerely hope this is my last opportunity to take cheap shots at the President. It's just been so easy for so long, and I'm going to miss it.