Whew - looks like Chicago dodged a bullet.
I can say this because I survived the 1984 Olympic Games.
So did the City of Los Angeles - barely.
After staggering through a two-week invasion by an international foreign army of athletes, tourists and journalists, Los Angeles and environs for the last 25 years have been paying for their folly.
The truth of that statement is evident when you think about the devastating legacy that the 1984 Olympic Games left:
The riots.
The Northridge earthquake.
Too many brush fires to count (most of them conflagrations springing from embers originally sparked by the Olympic torch relay).
Paris and Nicole.
O.J.
Bill Clinton's runway haircut.
Reality television.
Traffic, smog, crime, municipal incompetence, corruption - all of these were virtually unheard of in Los Angeles before Rafer Johnson ascended the long flight of stairs to ignite the Olympic flame that fateful day in July 1984. It was the end of Los Angeles' innocence, although none of us knew it at the time.
The Olympic Villages left the campuses of UCLA, USC and UC Santa Barbara smoldering wrecks. The scars, while not visible to the untrained eye, in fact lie just below the surface.
One Sports Illustrated wag (or maybe it was in Time magazine; I don't remember exactly) thought he was being clever when he noted that the greater Los Angeles area absorbed the Games like Gulliver absorbed the arrows of the Lilliputians, that in fact they barely registered, that it wasn't much different than if the Rams, Raiders, Dodgers, Angels, Lakers, Clippers, Kings, Ducks, Trojans and Bruins all were playing home games on the same weekend - which occasionally happened anyway.
But think about it: where are the Rams and the Raiders now? And the Clippers, where are they, huh? Mmmmmm?? Yeah, thought so.
And - perhaps most tellingly of all - what was the mysterious fate that befell Sam the Eagle?
No one is quite sure, but rumors persist that he was last seen at a bar in Homer, Alaska, sharing drinks with someone bearing a striking resemblance to Sarah Palin.
His fate is unknown. Some fear the worst.
So the fact that the IOC has elected to saddle Rio with all of these ignominies is a blessing in disguise to the Windy City, which now can get on with its life, free from all corrupting, distracting and trivial influences.
Trust me, Chicago - you're better off.