It would come as no surprise to people here that so-called "men" dominate the halls of power in this country and so have the ability to dominate public policy regarding women's rights and equality. And so it has repeatedly come to pass that "men" seek to impose their judgment and control on women's bodies through public policy.
As a man, I don't want to be judged alongside these people who share my gender. I don't want to be judged alongside those who would seek to impose their own control over women's bodies. I don't want to be judged alongside those who would deny women the autonomy over their own bodies that men take for granted.
And I suggest to you that these people are not real men. Real men would not do such things.
Real men believe that women's rights and equality are important. Misogynists believe that they have a better idea than women of what constitutes women's rights and equality.
Real men stand side-by-side with women in protest when politicians try impose their own judgment on women's bodies. Misogynists tell women that they are "hysterical" when they protest politicians' attempts to impose their own judgment on women's bodies.
Real men accept that they don't know everything. Misogynists pretend that they do.
Real men pay attention to nuance, detail, and context. Misogynists pretend that nuance, detail, and context either don't exist or don't matter.
Real men don't use their religious beliefs, whatever they may be, to justify the imposition of public policy that deprives a class of people of basic rights. Misogynists do.
Real men know that not every woman who has an abortion does so as a matter of routine birth control -- and even if they did, real men know it's not any of their business anyway. Misogynists frame the issue of abortion as if it's a matter of little other than birth control and are all too eager to pass judgment for it.
Real men recognize that they aren't aware of all the circumstances surrounding any given woman's decision to have an abortion. Misogynists don't care about the circumstances -- they just want to pass judgment.
Real men recognize that they don't know if any given woman has the mental, physical, financial, and social resources necessary to raise a child. Misogynists don't care -- they just want to pass judgment.
Real men recognize that they don't know if any given woman has access to the medical care needed to carry a child to term, deliver it, and recover from the process. Misogynists don't care -- they just want to pass judgment and force that woman to give birth; after that, she and the baby can go to hell for all they care.
Real men know that our social service safety net is woefully unprepared to take care of every child from an unwanted pregnancy, regardless of the circumstances. Misogynists refuse to do anything about that, but even if they would, they'd still preach about the lack of "personal responsibility" displayed by the pregnant woman in question, regardless of her circumstances.
Real men know that not every woman is going to share their beliefs. Misogynists don't care -- they just want to impose their beliefs on every woman.
Real men know that they don't have to live in the body of a woman who seeks an abortion -- they don't have to deal with the pain, the changes to the body, the psychological effects, the physical danger, any of it. Misogynists don't care -- they say if you don't want to deal with those things, you should have been "more responsible" in the first place.
Real men condemn those who hold crucial matters of public policy hostage to their own parochial agenda that would obliterate basic rights for an entire class of people. Misogynists condemn those who are unwilling to sacrifice women's rights in order to appease those who hold public policy hostage.
Real men do not support public policy like the Stupak-Pitt amendment. Real men do not support an attempt to hijack one of the most important domestic policy issues in our nation's history in order to abuse a loophole for the sake of overturning over 35 years of precedent, a woman's right to decide on a legal medical procedure without interference from the government, and, more importantly, a woman's right to control her own body without interference from the government.
Being a real man isn't a function of having a Y chromosome. It's not about being tough, or dominant, or strong. It's not about imposing your will on others and making them submit to your authority. It's not about ignoring male privilege while simultaneously taking wholesale advantage of it.
Quite the contrary, being a real man is about having the courage to do the right thing at the right time and -- just as important -- not acting where it's not your place. It's not about letting women take the lead when it comes to their rights -- you're not letting anyone do anything; rather you're simply not trying to impose your way of doing things on them. It's about listening to women when they tell you you're trampling their rights, rather than patting them on the head, saying "that's nice dear," and imposing what you want anyway. It's about recognizing that women are our mothers, our sisters, our daughters, and our friends, and that they deserve be treated with the same respect we would accord our fathers, our brothers, our sons, and ourselves. It's about standing up with women, fighting on their side against those who think we're still living in the Middle Ages.
There is an old saying from the Talmud generally translated like this:
In a place where there are no worthy people, strive to be a worthy person.
-- Avot 2:6
The Hebrew word used for person is ish, and the word for people is anashim. These words typically refer to men, but as with many Hebrew expressions, there is a great deal of room for interpretation. One common interpretation is this:
Where there are no mensches, strive to be a man.
This is what being a real man is about. It's about not succumbing to our basest nature. It's about recognizing that no one is perfect, but we should all strive to be a little less imperfect. And when a group of petulant little boys masquerading as men lead the charge to impose their will on the bodies of 150 million women and girls, real men stand up to them instead of telling the women to shut up and take it.
In short, when it comes to women's bodies and women's autonomy over their own bodies, real men don't make the decisions any more than we would allow women to make policies about our own bodies and autonomy. Real men sit back and wait for women to tell us what the policy will be, and we impose ourselves on the process only insofar as the women have invited us to do so.
And if we don't like how it turns out, too bad. Because the key thing to remember about real men is that they are adults. And adults, whether men or women, don't always get what they want. Adults make compromises and sacrifices, but never with other people's rights, not without their explicit consent.