I have a rough relationship with my children, the divorce from their mother wife #2 out of my 5 marriages, has not been the best relationship a family can have. I was not a great father, I dare say I was even a good one. I thought I was taking care of them, but to hear it from their mother, I was the worst father to ever live.
I was married to her for the longest of my marriages, we got married in 1979, I was in the Army and had been for many years. I met her while I was stationed at Fort Gordon teaching basic trainees how to shoot M-16s. There are not many jobs on a Signal School base for Infantry Sergeants.
I met her thru some friends, I had divorced my first wife for cheating on me, she was Thailand, and I had a hang up on oriental women back in my youth, their mother is Korean and I had been in Korea in 1975-1976. So when I was introduced to her, some sparks flew.
We dated for almost a year before I proposed. Suan my oldest daughter was born on April 12, 1980, at Fort Lewis, Washington. Then we got transferred to Fort Irwin California and Sherry came into this world on December 8, 1981, life was good at Fort Irwin, we saved a lot of money due to my being in the field 28 days of every month. Sherry had set a record for Fort Irwin she was the largest baby born on base from the date the post opened until we left the Army in September 1982, she weighed 9 pounds 14 ounces. Now you have to realize NTC had about 800 housing units and maybe 3000 troops assigned to the entire base.
I was forced with either re-enlisting or getting out I had 9 years in at this point, I called MILPERCEN because I had come down on orders for the 3rd Infantry Division in Germany, and I wanted to know where I was going to be reassigned after Germany, I was on the E7 promotion list, and it would make a difference for my family. They told me due to the extensive training they had invested in me as an OPFOR soldier at NTC, I would spend the rest of my career going between Germany and NTC, regardless of my rank.
In Germany a infantry soldier averages 7-8 months in the field, at NTC we were averaging 28 days of every month except December in the field, we spent 2 weeks doing ARTEPS in December to stay proficient in Battalion, Company and Platoon tactics and were tested on them, and then we had a 2 week stand down for Christmas. I talked it over with YIM and we made the decision together for us to leave the Army. the next 11 years of almost entirely field duty was not what I nor she wanted.
I went to work for the Post Office in Riverside Calif, the cost of living in Riverside was to expensive, so we talked about other towns we liked, Tacoma, Washington only it rained to much, we also liked Augusta Georgia where we had met. I put in for a transfer to Augusta in 1985, my transfer by the Post Office was approved in November 1985.
We spent a few good years, and then things kind of fell apart, she got in to deep with running around with her single Korean girlfriends, and the clubs they worked in, I was having trouble with my PTSD, drinking myself to sleep. I was a mess and I know it, and the kids were paying the worst price. I thought if we started a business together it would help keep her home and us together as a family. We bought a pizza place a franchise called Postal Pizza, we were doing really well financially. But somehow it wasn't enough for her. She wanted more.
I was then activated with my National Guard unit for Desert Storm on November 30, 1990. I was at NTC in January when my lawyer notified me that Yim had filed bankruptcy on Postal Pizza, I was 3,000 miles away and no phone service in the tumbleweeds in the Mojave desert. I later learned she had taken the cash reserves and got into some Korean Investment club, where one of the members ran off with 100,000 dollars of the members.
When I got back to Georgia after my discharge in May 1991, the shit hit the fan, we took one of the deeply discounted Big Red Boat/Disney Cruises to the Bahams, to try and work things out. We took the 2 girls and a friend of Sherry's, it was less than half price and it seemed the thing to do, try and reconnect as a family. One thing connected, 9 months after the cruise, we had a little souvenoir, his name is Kevin, my son was born on Ground Hogs day Feb 2, 1992. He will be 18 in 2 months. He is graduating in May 2010 and announced today that it is his intention to follow my foot steps and join the Army when he graduates.
I spent today explaining to him that due to my Army service and my position as a totally disabled Army veteran who is 100% P&T caused by my military service that he has Chapter 35 education benefits from the VA, which pays him approximately 1000 a month in assistance, this is on top of the South Carolina full scholarships for 100% disabled veterans childrens, in otherwords I have already paid for his college education due to my injuries. I want my son to go to college first and then if he still wants to go into the Army, then do it as an Officer, it pays better, the retirement if he stays if a WHOLE lot better than as an enlisted Non-Commissioned Officer.
I have nothing against him joining, I just want better for my son, than what I had. I think most parents feel the same way, we all want better for our children.
His mother has spent her life telling him that I am an alcoholic, a quitter, and that I would never amount to much. I coulldn't argue with her, that pretty much summed up my life. I did pay all of my child support payments conmtrary to her lies about it, I used to pay 1000 a month after I became disabled SSD started sending her a check for 900 a month for his care, she made the decisoon to tell him, I wasn't paying anything. I guess truthfully I was not paying, but my benefits from SSD for being disabled was legally child support in lieu of of the fact I no longer had earned income.
He had been receiving this since 2002, for all this time she has been telling him I was an alcoholic that just didn't care about him. Which is the farthest thing from the truth. I have problems dealing with confrontation due to my explosive temper from the PTSD, so I ignored the situation, she only allowed short visits with her and her new husband in the past 7 years.
I had a meeting with him about 6 months ago, and I asked him, if he was aware I was paying his child support, and since he wasn't he would have to speak to his mother about it, and if she wouldn't answer him to speak to Jim his step father about it. Yim declined to answer it, but Kevin got Jim alone one day and he asked Jim for the truth. Kevin has been raised that I am his biological father and Jim is his Dad, Jim has been there to wash the dirty clothes, take him to soccer practive, football practice, paid for the prom tickets, etc things that Dad would do.
Jim told Kevin that I have been sending 900 a month for years, and all the stuff Kevin was doing was funded by me. Which proved to me Jim has been a great father to Kevin, better than I had been.
Today Kevin brought Ashley Mae his high school girlfriend for the past year and a half to my home so my wife Dori #5 could meet, and I spent most of the visit explaining why I wanted him to go to college before joining the Army, I wanted more for him, than I had. If he loves Ashley they can wait for college to end and his career as an officer gets started and they both would be better off.
I was a wuss and did not tell him I that I am hoping the wars will be over and hopefully the military will go into a period like it did from 1975 - 1990 and that there will only be small fiasco's like Panama, Grenada, a few border incidents in Korea, but no Vietnams, GW1, Iraq and Afghanistan. If that makes me a bad father then I am one, he's my only son, I want the world for him. I want a world with no PTSD, and nothing but happiness.
My life has been painful for my entire family and my friends I want only the best for him and my grandchildren, one life destroyed by war in one family is enough................
my ex wife is a witch spelt with a B but she is the mother of my kids, that is her only redeeming factor.......