December 22. 8:30pm or so. I got a call from my 'Aunt'. My Aunt is a semi-Aunt. She was accepted into my family late in life. She's not really grand-dad's daughter but she thinks she is, and that's fine. She stutters when she's nervous. Those first few visits were full of sputtered sentences, but for the last several years she speaks to me as smoothly as anyone else on the planet.
Tonight I can't understand a goddam word she's saying.
"W-we found your d-d-dad. He's p-passed." Maybe I just wished I couldn't understand what she was saying.
"Uh....uh.....how?" I like to think I have a way with words. But not on this night. When my dad retired, he moved back to the small town where he was born. He revived old friendships and made new ones. On this day, his best friend came to cut the grass and collect the leaves. Dad never came out to meet him. When the sun started to set, the friend could see the lights on in the house. Combined with the car in the driveway and no answers to the door or phone, this set off alarm bells for his friend. The friend called the cops and cops busted down the door. He sat peacefully in his chair. As if taking a nap.
IGTNT - A small town farmer lost his best friend.
After breaking the news to my family, we spent the night packing. And crying. And calling family. And packing some more. And devising a way to combine Santa, a small-town dive hotel room and a funeral so as to preserve the holiday for a four-year-old. The holidays have always been important to my wife. She loves them and she wants our kids to. But I lost my mom on December 24th many years ago. And now I've lost Dad on December 22nd. How can I ever even understand the Christmas spirit?
IGTNT - I lost my Dad.
A pregnant woman in her 3rd trimester should not be in a car for 11 hours. Do we have a choice? I leave them at the hotel to recover and head for my Dad's house where my brother and family will stay. There's a steady trickle of people in and out. "Your Dad was great. I remember when we ___." "Your Dad and I would talk for hours. I'll miss him." Your Dad was helping out a lady at the nursing home. Someone should tell her." "You've never met me and I'm calling from California. I hear you Dad died." "You really should call the [union that he used to be a member of]. He was on their supervisory board and they will want to know."
When you moved here I was so worried that you would be lonely. I worried that there wll be no one here to check on you. Now I can't even keep track of how many people I need to inform about your services.
IGTNT - A community lost one of it's strongest pillars.
"The funeral director knew your dad. They will not add any additional pain to this process." "Yes, the Reverend knew your dad and he would like to do the eulogy if that is ok with you." "I think we will have more pallbearers than we know what to do with." "Yes, apparently the church mother and some of the other ladies kinda thought your dad was cute. Apparently they want to cook a feast for everyone afterwards." "The counter lady at the post office teared up this morning when I told her he was gone." "People are clamoring to make donations to the church in your Dad's name, but since he was the church Treasurer, we haven't yet figured out who to direct the donations to."
I have never before been to a funeral where each and every person who spoke communicated a very personal and very uplifting anecdote about the deceased. When the deceased is your dad, this is not only a comfort, it's a source of joy and pride. I can be that good. He taught me how. Deacons cried. Pastors cried. Family cried. But we laughed too. At the stories. At his funeral.
IGTNT - A small town lost a leader.
Goodbye Dad. You always brought out the best in me and it turns out you did it for others too. I don't think anyone knew how broad your impact until we all got together and talked about it.
IGTNT - You were better than I deserved. You were more than I ever knew. Because you made me what I am, I can be a little bit better tomorrow and the next day. Good people are loved in life and celebrated in death. Your last lesson to me is that this impact to the world is worth more than all the rest of the nonsense. R.I.P.