I discovered something recently that have scared the crap out of me. I always knew Republicans were evil but nothing could prepare for this:
I was in Texas last weekend visiting my family. They live in a Republican neighborhood near Dallas. One night I was sitting on the porch and I saw this young man in the distance. Everything seemed normal to me - there was nothing that compelled me to look twice ....until I heard these screams. They were the most sickening, heart rending screams of agony I've ever heard. The only way I can put it is that it sounded like someone was been eaten alive. I realized that the screams were coming from the direction where the young guy was, so I rushed off the porch to investigate what was happening.
Follow me over the jump for more of this shocking story::
When I arrived at his location, I saw the most sickening, skin crawling, blood curdling thing I've ever seen in all my life. I noticed that the guy was crouched over what appears to be the body of a girl, eating out her stomach. He was wearing a T-Shirt that said Palin/Romney 2012 on the back so I assume he was a Republican. He had ripped the girl's abdomen open and had her entrails all over the ground. I noticed that the she was still alive as she was still screaming, but her screams had been reduced to a faint whisper. She had lost a lot of blood. The Republican guy was slopping up the blood around her like a dog drinking water. I was so shocked by the sight of it all, I stood there frozen. I also noticed that there were two deep puncture wounds on the girl's neck. The Republican murderer was so pre-occupied with what he was doing he didn't even notice that I was there.
When he finally looked around, and I got to see what he looked like, I almost fainted. He was a frickin vampire - a Republican vampire. His fangs were long and menacing, and he hissed at me like a snake that was provoked. Another thing I noticed was how much he resembled Sean Hannity. I started to slowly back away from him, but he left the girl to die and started to come after to me. His mouth was covered with blood and his eyes flaming with evil. The front of his shirt read: "Say No to Socialism".
I started to run, but I couldn't get away from him. He cornered me in the bushes and I swore I was going to die. He grabbed me by my throat and started to strangle me. He held me up with one hand - he was as strong as a chimp - and threw me about 10 feet into the air. I landed on my backside - my whole body ringing in pain. I tried to crawl away from him but he grabbed a hold of me again. He lifted me off the ground and drew me so close to his body, I could hardly breath. I looked into his eyes and saw the GOP - he was pure evil. He started sniffing about my neck. I could feel the heaviness of his demonic breath on my skin. I knew what was about to happen next, but I wasn't about to make it happen. I muster all the energy I could and kicked him so hard, I thought I had broken my foot. He dropped me, but my kick only immobilized him for a few seconds. Soon he was coming right back at me, angrier than ever. This was it, I thought, This is how I'm going to die.
I eventually toughened up and told myself said that I will not go down without a fight. Out of nowhere, I find my self saying "Yes We Can". Saying it gave me more courage, so I said it louder and louder. To my surprise, each time I utter this timeless phrase, the Republican vampire would act bizarrely and get weaker and weaker. I summoned enough strength to stand on my feet again. I faced the Republican Vampire and repeatedly said "Yes We Can" as forcefully as I could. I started saying other timeless phrases too like "Change Has Come to America" and "The Time for Change has Come". The Republican vampire started making these weird sounds like a demon who is been exorcised. I made a sign of the holy cross with my fingers and said the inspirational phrases as loudly as I could, and to my surprise the Republican vampire spontaneously combusted in a ball of fire. I have told no one about what happened until now.
I just wanted to warn you all that vampires do exist and that it's most likely a Republican. DON'T LET THEM GET YOU!