Apparently this is, like, BREAKING NEWS ** (but I know how well that goes over here in KosTown)!
According to the Washington Post this morning:
A small band of masked intruders has broken into the secure White House grounds and has evaded capture by agents of the new Obama administration, officials said today.
ZOMG! Alert the Secret Service! Wait, I'm sorry, what? The Park Service?!!
The National Park Service is in pursuit of one very large raccoon and several medium-sized raccoons, who have been spotted roaming the grounds around the Executive Mansion and the West Wing, a spokesman said.
Tee hee hee! Follow me after the jump for all the masked bandit details...
The idea of raccoons on the White House grounds give us great pause," spokesman Bill Burton said.
Well, yeah! They may be cute, but a raccoon will straight up cut you.
So far, the raccoons have evaded capture despite the presence of several "live traps," which are essentially cages with a one-way doors to keep the animals inside. The traps are baited with apples, cat food and peanut butter, Burton said, but so far to little avail.
Holy shit, Mensa Ninja coons?!
If the animals are captured, Burton said, the National Park Service will release them, unharmed, into an unspecified wooded area.
That's right, no new detainees at Gitmo- NO EXCEPTIONS!
[According to] The Humane Society... raccoons normally make their dens in "tree cavities, chimneys and attics, as well as underground in old woodchuck burrows, storm sewers or crawl spaces under buildings," the site says. The presidential raccoons appear to have upgraded to fancier digs.
YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN!
Burton said the presence of raccoons at the White House is not unprecedented. It happens every now and then, he said.
Yes, but to Republicans? You think Cheney ever had any unauthorized raccoons over at the Naval Observatory? (so THAT'S why no Google mapping...)
As my friend Marvin (and fellow Black person) said: "Damn, a brother moves in and crime goes up! Why they gotta try to make us look bad?!" MmmmHMMM!
And may I also add from that same perspective, that the first racist douche nozzle to make a "Coons in the White House!" joke... well, they better just check my sig line!
But meanwhile, back at the White House...
The hunt continues, Burton said.
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I loved this story. It made me laugh out loud and was a VERY nice break from all my stimulus and infrastructure-based agita. Sincere apologies if this an across the back fence diary, but thought some others might enjoy a similar mental smiley break as well.
PS: **It's not really breaking news...