From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
I have never seen...
A bison throw a cigarette butt out a car window
A flock of geese rip the top off a mountain
A seal cause an oil spill
A hippo drive a Hummer off a dealer's lot
A lemur leave the faucet dripping
A raccoon go out for the evening and leave all the lights in the house on
A bobcat fight legislation to lower smokestack emissions
A songbird sing "Drill Baby, Drill"
A panda dump raw sewage into a river
A pride of lions so dependent on oil that they're willing to wage war over it
A slug (the real kind, not the George Will kind) claim that our biggest worry is global cooling
A gorilla fail to keep its tires properly inflated
A salmon pollute a stream with mercury
An elephant claim that his God says it's okay to pillage the world's natural resources willy-nilly because pachyderms are the "chosen ones"
A lizard mock public transportation
A penguin claim that the melting polar ice caps are no big deal
A crocodile think up new ways to go overboard on plastic packaging for portable electronics
A Yangtze River dolphin do much of anything lately
Today is Earth Day, an event we celebrate every year to remind ourselves that we're, for the time being, the biggest parasites on the third rock from the sun. Approximately twenty million trees will be harvested to print an Earth Day message of conservation in newspapers, magazines, pamphlets, catalogues, inserts and handbills---a message I can deliver here in three words: stop wasting stuff. I'll reinforce this message later today by skywriting it using 30,000 pounds of colored chlorofluorocarbons. 'Round noon.
Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Note: Is there no member of the Obama cabinet willing to anoint himself or herself with Crisco? I'm so disappointed. Ashcroft was way more entertaining than these guys.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Himmelfahrt: 29
Days since Tax Freedom Day came and went: 9
Number of protestors on the first Earth Day in 1970: 20 million
(Source: Earth Day founder Sen. Gaylord Nelson)
Barrels of oil consumed for every barrel of oil discovered: 2:1
Increase in carbon dioxide emissions into the atmosphere since the start of the industrial revolution: 35%
(Source: Earthday.net)
Percent of the electricity used to power home electronics that's consumed while the products are turned off: 75%
(Source: Department of Energy)
Number of cameramen who spent 5 years capturing the footage for the Disney movie Earth, which opens today: 40
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 164 (including 5 'Debt and Trades' and 1 suddenly available pair of shoes). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Guard dog
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CHEERS to getting in on the action. Only 109 days until the Netroots Nation convention in beautiful downtown Pittsburgh, and if you're thinking of bagging it because of the cost, here's good news from our email inbox:
We're thrilled to partner with Democracy for America again to offer scholarships to bring activists like you to Pittsburgh to network with fellow leaders from across the country. This competition is your chance to show off what you've done to move the progressive agenda forward. And it's our chance to ensure that activists of every age, background and economic bracket, representing numerous points of view and all 50 states are able to attend Netroots Nation and make it the richest experience yet.
The award covers the cost of registration and lodging for at least 30 winners—all you have to do is apply. You can also pass this on to someone you think has earned a scholarship, needs it, or both.
For more details, click here. Deadline for this first round is May 11th. But enter by Friday and we won’t make you go through the towel-snap line.
JEERS to waterboarding to war (via noweasels). Senate Judiciary Committee chairman Patrick Leahy on The Ed Show yesterday regarding torture: "Some people tell me to turn the page. I'd kinda like to read the page." This morning he and the rest of the country have a bombshell to read, courtesy of McClatchy News. In a nutshell: the Bush administration approved torture so they could use it as a political tool to start a war with Iraq. Whoa:
"There were two reasons why these interrogations were so persistent, and why extreme methods were used," the former senior intelligence official said on condition of anonymity because of the issue's sensitivity. "The main one is that everyone was worried about some kind of follow-up attack (after 9/11). But for most of 2002 and into 2003, Cheney and Rumsfeld, especially, were also demanding proof of the links between al Qaida and Iraq that (former Iraqi exile leader Ahmed) Chalabi and others had told them were there." ...
"Cheney's and Rumsfeld's people were told repeatedly, by CIA . . . and by others, that there wasn't any reliable intelligence that pointed to operational ties between bin Laden and Saddam, and that no such ties were likely because the two were fundamentally enemies, not allies." Senior administration officials, however, "blew that off and kept insisting that we'd overlooked something, that the interrogators weren't pushing hard enough, that there had to be something more we could do to get that information," he said.
I can't say I'm in any way surprised, but I'm virtually speechless all the same. So I'll just say this: The Pulitzer committee would be wise to file this story in its vault for next April. Great job, McClatchy. What does one wear to a criminal trial of a former president and vice president? (I'm thinking cashmere.)
JEERS to Richard Nixon. Speaking of ex-presidents who should've been put on trial, #37 died fifteen years ago today. Whoever chose the color of his headstone knew what they were doing. But we'll be kind to his memory today and just replay the high point of his life. Thanks a lot...Dick.
CHEERS to future gold on them thar same-sex ring fingers. Oh, it's on, baby. Today proponents and opponents (or, as they're better known here, "buttheads") of a Maine marriage equality bill will gather for 12 hours in Augusta at a special Judiciary Committee hearing to debate the issue. (Turn Maine Blue will be liveblogging it.) Meanwhile today's Portland Press Herald released the latest poll numbers on same-sex marriage, revealing a state that's split right down the middle on it, which is amazingly positive for the pro-equality side. But here's the really encouraging part: In 2004, 30 percent favored marriage, 35 percent favored civil unions and 32 percent favored neither. But today:
39.3 percent of respondents support "full marriage rights"; 34.5 percent support civil unions or partnerships but not marriage; and 23 percent oppose "any legal recognition for gay and lesbian couples." More than 3 percent said they don't know.
That's huge. Since around 20 percent will probably always be against equality for gay couples, that means my state is reaching a "saturation point" of support---an amazing 75 percent. It bodes well for the bill. The question now pretty much boils down to: will we be equal...or "separate but equal"? To be continued...
JEERS to God's currency. 145 years ago today, on April 22, 1864, Congress took a bold stand for the separation of church and state by passing an act that required "In God We Trust" to be stamped on all our coins. Actually, we'd prefer to see it changed to reflect the book title by the late author Jean Shepard: In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash. That's change I could believe in.
JEERS to the Coalition of the Cowardly. If you're wondering whether Rush Limbaugh still rules the butt-picking wing of the Republican party, um...yeah, he does. How absolutely perfect: as long as he flaps his gums, he's the de facto leader of the GOP. 81 percent of Americans find the de facto leader of the GOP repulsive. But the 19 percent who form the GOP base think he walks on water. It's quite a conundrum. Thankfully not ours.
CHEERS to American Icons. Ninety five years ago today, Babe Ruth played in his first professional baseball game---he pitched (yes, pitched) a shutout against the Buffalo Bisons. If you're a fan of baseball history, it's hard not to get a little sentimental over pics like this, and this. And did you notice? Not a steroid in sight.
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Five years ago in C&J: April 22, 2004
JEERS to Earth Day photo ops. President Bush is here in Maine touting his environmental "record." How appropriate---we're called "America's Tailpipe" because so much pollution drifts here from the Midwest. (I'd give the Earth a hug...if I could go outside without dying of asthma.)
CHEERS to Michael Moore. His new documentary, 'Fahrenheit 911,' is chosen for competition at Cannes film festival. Prediction: Audiences will clap their hands raw. [4/22/09 Update: They did. It won the Palm d' Or and went on to make $120 million. Not too shabby, Mike.]
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And just one more...
CHEERS to the ultimate deflection system. I didn’t think it was possible to top Stephen Colbert's parody of the National Organization of Marriage's "Gathering Storm" ad. But indeed it is. Alicia Silverstone, George Takei, Michael Hitchcock, Lance Bass and the sublime Jane Lynch have come together in an orgy of love to launch a campaign of truth and morality. Thanks to them, if you're ever out and about and it starts raining homos, all you have to do is reach for your Giant Gay Repellant Umbrella. Repels locusts and frogs, too!
Oh, if you watched the 'Earth' trailer in our 'By the Numbers' section, the music in the second half of it is called "Hoppipolla" by the Icelandic group Sigur Ros. You should watch the video for it---they've captured the essence of C&J quite well, I think. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"Cheers and Jeers is almost the most fun a kid can have!"
---Bill O'Reilly
Circa 1988
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