I recently attended the "Aim For Success" parent preview held at one of our local middle schools and found the Plano based "abstinence-only" program to be very seductive. There is probably not a single parent that doesn’t want their teen to abstain from sex. The thought that you can simply tell them to not have sex until they are married and have that be the end of it is very appealing. But at some point, I would bet that most parents would like for their children to have happy, fulfilling sex lives with committed partners and I’m not sure that "Aim For Success" really prepares them for such an eventuality. As the parent of two teenaged boys and a six-year-old daughter, I want more for my kids.
The founder and President of "Aim For Success," Marilyn Morris, was very clear about why she started this company. In her presentation, she used her own life as an example. She told us that she began the company because she became pregnant as a senior in high school and ruined her chances of becoming a tennis star. Even though she married the young man and they now have two grown daughters and five grandchildren, she has regrets. This is why she has embraced an abstinence only approach. While the program gives some good and useful advice, the simplistic and fear-based approach of the program is somewhat naive.
Statistically, Texas rates are well above the national average for just about every risky behavior according to a recent study done by The Texas Freedom Network and Texas State University. These studies seem to indicate that this is precisely because of our "abstinence only" obsession. By the time our kids leave high school, over 50% of them have had sex and, while we would all like to think that it’s not my kid, the odds are against us. The "Aim For Success" program seems to ignore Texas statistics altogether and only gives raw national numbers without any context. A national number of teen pregnancies of 2,041 sounds like a lot but not knowing the total number of teens in the US, this number is completely useless even though it sounds big and scary.
The program also promotes several concepts that may keep teens from having sex in the short term, but cause harm later in life when they do enter sexual relationships.
- "If you have never had sex, you are safe from having a sexually transmitted disease." This is false and gives our kids a false sense of security. The reality is that some people are natural carriers of disease and others can get an STD from drug use or even medical blood products. This concept also promotes an "us vs. them" mentality by implying that bad things only happen to bad people.
- "Wait until marriage and then you can safely have all the sex you want." Marriage is treated as if it is a magic umbrella that protects from all evil. Unfortunately, marriage doesn’t automatically make people immune to STDs. No matter how much we may love and trust our spouse, things can happen that put us at risk even in committed relationships. We are ALL at risk of STDs whether married or not. There was no discussion of family planning other than to say that "The Pill" is not effective in preventing pregnancies. I don’t want my daughter to have an unwanted pregnancy even if she IS married.
- "Condoms don’t work." The program asks kids what method of protection can guarantee 100% against pregnancy and STD. I agree that abstinence is the preferable option for teens, but what about people in their 20s, 30s, 40s and beyond? They tell kids that condoms simply "don’t work". They do mention that, because of user error, the fail rate for condoms is higher than it could be without bothering to correct the "user errors" and opt to throw condoms out altogether. They also use the fallacy that "because it happened to me it will happen to you." As my son pointed out, 95% effective is still 95% better than zero. When these kids do become sexually active in their adult lives, will the information they get through this program make them less likely to rely on condoms for protection? We are doing a disservice to our children when we provide medically inaccurate information that is contradicted by the Center for Disease Control and the American Medical Association. Why do we look to our medical professionals for advice on prevention and treatments but subject our children to falsities?
- "Abstinence = Freedom." That is a purely subjective concept. Freedom from human experience? The same could be said about condoms. Condoms = Freedom... the freedom to experience relationships with a greater likelihood of not getting pregnant or an STD. My husband pointed out that the same thing could be said about death. Death = Freedom? This is a value judgment.
Many of the visuals and role playing games presented in the program are biased and designed to instill fear in our kids. One such game Mrs. Morris told the parents about used two large dice to roll chances of having an unwanted outcome from having sex with no option of choosing safe methods. Every roll (but one) resulted in catastrophe. The idea was to then ask the kids that did not play what they got and the answer was nothing because they didn’t play. While I can appreciate a strong visual to make a point, what does this do to our children’s long-term concept of sex? Does it foster a healthy concept? I don’t think so.
Another visual was designed to illustrate the emotional scaring that sex causes. Mrs. Morris put on a pair of gloves with Velcro on both palms and then put her hands together to symbolize two people having sex. She then pulled her hands apart with a loud ripping sound while saying "that’s your heart ripping from the emotional scars that having sex leaves after you break up." This completely ignores the fact that the dissolution of non-sexual relationships can leave lasting scars. It’s not necessarily sex that causes scarring, but the power struggles of relationships. So do we want our children to never have relationships of any kind?
I agree with abstinence for our teens, but there needs to be a comprehensive sex education program that includes "abstinence plus," teaching that abstinence is the only 100% guarantee against teen pregnancy while also giving medically accurate information about birth control methods and disease prevention. Without accurate information, Texas could have a situation similar to Florida where teenage girls were sanitizing themselves internally with bleach to prevent pregnancy and STD’s. Our children need a program that gives them the information and resources they need to get beyond the teen years. The "Aim For Success" program fails in that regard. We owe our children the truth.