I am so very sad for all who are being denied their equal civil rights to marry. I understand the outrage completely and hope every red hot atom of it is channeled into effective, ongoing action.
I understand the pain and the tears, and hope each one of them is also channeled into effective, ongoing action. It shouldn't be this way, but it always has been: equal rights for "others" are never granted: they need to be seized.
I was near death from end stage addiction before I made the astounding discovery that I was a lesbian, at age 41. Thanks to where and how I was raised, (in the same kind of hate filled religion behind most of today's homophobia,) until then, I only knew I was a hopelessly defective sinner, so why not just drink myself to death and be done with it?
In the twenty eight (sober) years since, after leaving that oppressive, hateful world, besides being able to finally live an authentic life of my own, I have had the incredible experience of seeing my youngest daughter come out into a strong, vibrant, loving gay community, backed not only by my love and acceptance, but with celebration.
I've watched her partner up and build her life without fear, among all of her neighbors, gay and straight. I've see her find a career in a gay friendly work place, and become an active member of an open and affirming Christian Church that welcomes all. I've watched proudly as she became a powerful LBGT advocate and marched proudly beside her at Gay Pride. And I have had the joy of watching her and her partner give birth to a beautiful little girl welcomed by a whole village of gay and straight people.
Then I've had the additional joy of watching my other grand daughter grow up, come out to the same loving welcome, partner up, and create yet another loving family, with her partner and her children.
Sometimes still, there are moments when I just can't believe my eyes. That all of this was actually possible for my daughters, and grand daughter, yet was so absolutely impossible for me, just one generation ago.
This fall, my oldest daughter, who is straight, will have her long awaited Wedding Day. I am so happy for her, and so grateful that my future son-in-law not only accepts a family full of lesbians, but seems to enjoy it!
But it is totally surreal for me to know that of these three beautiful, loving, powerful women, only ONE of them is considered worthy of the right to marry the person she loves, in this country that claims to offer liberty and justice for all.
That's when I struggle with rage: in those moments when we are all together, and I am watching these three incredible women that I love with all my heart and soul. I want to throttle any and all who say to two of them..."YOU are not AS GOOD AS...those who DO have this right.".. with my bare hands. HOW DARE THEY? HOW. DARE. THEY? So, back and forth I go, between gladness, sadness, and a killing rage.
They MUST BE STOPPED, all of the religious fanatics who have perverted everything Christianity could be, to force their bigotry and hate into our laws and into every single crack they could find in the whole governmental structure.
None of this has anything to DO with love of God. It is a malignant, metastatic cancer that eats into peoples hearts and ruins lives. I dare not linger in this rage too long at a time, or I lose my balance, and my ability to feel joy at the changes I HAVE lived.
Because I know this one thing for sure: if this kind of drastic change is possible in one single generation in my own little family, then there is every reason to believe it IS possible for more and more of us.
We just cannot stop channeling the power of our anger, rage, and hurt into actions that will force continued change, all of us together, gay and straight, side by side, hands and hearts linked, for however long it takes until we all have equal civil rights under the law.
I will end this with a powerful wave of gratitude to all who came before us and gave their hearts, their freedom, and sometimes their lives, to carry us this far, with a solemn promise to carry it on, and on, and on.