What is it about the color orange that is so terrifying? Why does the mere glimpse of this rather ordinary color raise the hairs on the back of our necks and turn our knees weak? Let's think about it for a second:
Traffic cones are orange. They're not very threatening on the surface, but they do yell out "hey! danger! lookout!". Jack O' Lanterns are orange, and they're pretty scary. The Orange Crush was one of the most feared defenses in NFL history. Fire can be orange, and being on fire can be pretty scary (trust me, I know). But the orange menace I am talking about is far more sinister than Halloween decorations or football players.
We truly have 3 menacing orange creatures living amongst us today. Let's take a quick look at each of them (listed from least to most threatening)
First Name: Smiley
Last Name: The Radioactive Orange
Body Type: Round and Juicy
Smells like: An Orange?
Place of Origin: An Orange Grove near a SuperFund site
Claim to Fame: Its an orange. With legs. That's pretty terrifying
Famous Quote: "RARRRR BRAIINNSSS!" (he's a Radioactive Zombie Orange?)
Ok Ok, so Smiley the Radioactive Orange isn't particularly scary. After all, he's about 6 inches tall and you can quickly dispatch of him using the juicer you bought on the late night infomercial. Well even more menacing than a radioactive orange is the....
First Name: Oompa
Last Name: Loompa
Body Type: Cute and Cuddly, but don't touch!
Smells like: Candy on the outside, cavities on the inside
Place of Origin: Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory
Claim to Fame: Sing menacing songs to keep kids from eating candy
Famous Quote: "Oompa Loompa doompity do"
Oompa Loompas are fairly scary, what with their abnormally green hair and murderous looks in their eyes. But if I were a parent, the TRUE orange menace, the one to keep your kids away from, comes in the form of:
First Name: John
Last Name: Boehner
Body Type: Average for a human
Smells like: Spray tan and whiskey (?)
Place of Origin: Ohio
Claim to Fame: Presents budgets without numbers. Likes to cry on the floor in Congress
Votes include:
Voted NO on prohibiting job discrimination based on sexual orientation.
Voted YES on making the PATRIOT Act permanent.
Rated 100% by the US COC, indicating a pro-business voting record.
Voted NO on $84 million in grants for Black and Hispanic colleges.
Voted NO on maintaining right of habeas corpus in Death Penalty Appeals.
Voted YES on deauthorizing "critical habitat" for endangered species.
Voted NO on adding 2 to 4 million children to SCHIP eligibility.
Famous Quote:
from Der What Is Carbon?
"The idea that carbon dioxide is a carcinogen that is harmful to our environment is almost comical. Every time we exhale, we exhale carbon dioxide. Every cow in the world, you know when they do what they do you’ve got more carbon dioxide."
Media Matters
"They have called Operation Iraqi Freedom a war of choice that isn`t part of the real war on terror. Someone should tell that to al Qaeda."
(Yes I know Kos is orange)
crossposted at GOPaint