The American consumer market (of which politics is now just another off-the-shelf item) is road littered with failed products. Here are some of the more notorious:
New Coke, Premier Smokeless Cigarettes, Harley Davidson Perfume, Ben Gay Aspirin, Ford Edsel, IBM PCjr, Cosmo Yogurt (I wish I had seen that!), Bic Disposable Underwear, Apple LISA, Life Saver Soda, Sony Betamax, Colgate Kitchen Entrees, Mattel Magic Earring Ken Doll, Pepsi Crystal, WebTV, and much more
Not wanting to be left in the dustbin of history (a place many would say they already have attained), some Republicans gathered at a Pizzeria in Arlington, Virginia under the new Coke-like name of National Council for a New America -- to re-write the grand plan for the GOP.
First take a look at who attended/led:
*Eric Cantor, douchebag and objectionist extraordinaire. Cantor, as Congressional minority whip, has been one of the prime motivators for the "Just Say No" policy. It is his "persuasiveness" that has helped the GOP fall to its lowest identification level (21%) in something like 40 years. I am sure they were frying his brain on those anti-drug ads - it is like the Party of Nancy Reagan.
*Mittens Romney, failed candidate and out-of-touch billionaire. Romney failed to resonate much of a message with his own base during the primary season last year. Many have said he would have been the "ideal" VP candidate when the markets collapsed - and compared to Palin he would have been. Then again anyone, including Eric Cantor, would have been better than Palin. Considering the state of the financial industry and how people feel about bailouts and finance companies - does anyone really think the former CEO of a venture capital firm is the best person to send a new message? Only the Republican's hairdressers know for sure.
*Jeb Bush, brother of the biggest failure and most hated president in American political history. He might as well change his name to Jeb Stalin, Jeb Amin or Jeb Khan, it will be much more palatable.
Throw in more re-treads like Hayley Barbour and Newt Gingrich - and you have a starting five comparable to the 1972-73 Philadelphia '76ers who at 9 wins, 73 losses had a .110 winning percentage and the worst record in NBA history. The GOP is gunning to beat that.
These are the people have deemed themselves saviors of the Republican brand. The plans of these five re-hashed trolls are supposed to change the fortunes of a Party mired in the 13th century. Talk about putting lipstick on the anus of an elephant.
Here is some basic Sociology 101 (to go with the Marketing 101) - it is nearly impossible for any organization to turn itself around when the you place the rebranding efforts in the hands of the very same people who were the architects of the demise. Add to this the fact the party's marching orders in reality come from hate-spewing non-politicians such as Limbaugh, Hannity, O'Reilly, Beck and Coulter, toss in an RNC chairman who is nothing more than a court jester and you are guaranteed to have the next Bic Disposable Underwear or Earring Ken doll (tho between Larry Craig and Mark Foley and David Vitter, there are plenty of sexually ambiguous and repressed dolls in the party already).
The GOP has pizza boxed itself into corner they will have a difficult time getting out of. Their no-deviation rule for ideology - NO abortion, NO gay marriage, NO government help, NO immigration, NO universal health care, NO taxes etc.- has made re-branding to something akin to the "softer side of Sears" close to a Herculean task - more like Hercules being ordered to clean up King Augeas' stables of elephant dung.
However in all fairness, the GOP is not completely a party of no. There are a few "yes" tenets that can be used in the re-launching campaign of the brand. The yeses to war, corporate welfare and torture, gussied up with the humbling apologies to Rush Limbaugh by um-teen politicians, together will all make one helluva sales slogan.
With absolutism the Elmer's glue holding what is left of the Republican party - how does one soften their position on abortion? Either you are for a woman's right to choose or against it. While many in the GOP are not as extreme as the Moose Governor (no abortions, ever, even in rape or incest cases), they have virtually no where to go with this. Any mention of bending these set-in-stone social issues to a more mainstream approach will undoubtedly alienate the biggest chunk of their remaining minions - Christianists and religious whackjobs.
While you might be able to repackage and rename Harley Davidson perfume (HD, the scent of Hell's Angels) - you will have a hard time repackaging and renaming the GOP odor of hate and intolerance. The GOP hasn't quite figured out that whatever you say or do for the camera or sound byte today -- lives FOREVER. (I bet George Allen has learned that lesson, but the rest of them, not even close). Representative Virginia Foxx's (R-NC) tirade against the hate crimes bill (another Republican requirement) by calling the bias/gay motive in the murder of Matthew Shepard a "hoax" will not disappear into the Congressional record, where no one will ever dredge it up again. Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, as you are now permanently stuck with the fact that millions of people will see your bigotry and garbage - over and over and over. Like Foxx, the GOP calls for Obama's failure, Rick Perry's calls for secession, the endless calls for opposition at any cost are all now part of the permanent cyber-record called YouTube.
Have fun rebranding against that.
A marketing seminar with Bush, Cantor and Romney eating a slice of pepperoni with the proliteriat is not going to fix a problem that started when the GOP slid into evil mode under current starting Right Guard, Newt Gingrich in 1994. What the Republicans fail to see is that their problem is not just their message or even their messengers. Their problem is that everything the GOP has stood for and endorsed over the past 30+ years has proven to be a failure, a dismal failure or an utter failure for a big (and growing) part of the electorate. There are just not enough rich white men to replace all the minorities/women etc. falling deeper into poverty and despair each day. Guess what - taking the brown color out of Pepsi and calling it Crystal Pepsi - well it is still Pepsi. It isn't going to make people who don't like Pepsi, drink it. I am pretty sure Cantor, Bush and Romney will be totally unable to extricate greed, arrogance, intolerance and selfishness from the souls of their flock - or even rename it. The Jews had to spend 40 years wandering the desert before they reached the Promised Land. Hopefully the GOP can spend even more.
Hey Eric, Jeb and Mittens - pack your Colgate food and Life Saver soda, it is a long walk in the desert. Bring some Ben Gay Aspirin for those headaches. And please take copious notes on the Apple Lisa.