Today is Autistic Pride Day. I was not aware of this until this morning, when I went to look on Wikipedia for something and saw it highlighted under "On this day...", located on the right-hand side of the page. I had absolutely no clue of this day's existence, like many days set aside during the year, whether by statute or national organization. Now that I know that today is set aside for the purpose of educating the public about autism spectrum disorders, I feel that it is my duty as someone with Asperger's Syndrome to comment on it and to share a personal anecdote or two.
Growing up, I was always a precociously intelligent child. I learned my ABC's by the time I one and a half, could read by the time I was three, read Robinson Crusoe cover-to-cover in the second grade and all three Lord of the Rings books when I was ten. A normal, if exceptionally bright child, right? Not exactly.
There was something else beneath the surface. I would use big, scientific words light-years ahead of my classmates. For example, throughout the first grade, I would say the word "posterior" while my peers said "butt". While classmates tittered at the word "sex" as a dirty word, I would chase them around on the playground with a book in my hand that defined it as "gender". I was very literal, and generally oblivious to social cues. I would frequently correct my elementary school teachers, something that would drive my first-grade teacher crazy.
I became obsessed with perfection. A grade of less than "100" would cause me to burst out in tears. It wasn't until I saw someone else behaving the same way that I stopped holding myself to such a ridiculously high standard. I then became obsessed with fitting in, having friends, doing what everyone else was doing - normal social interactions. But this, I found, was extraordinarily difficult, approaching impossible.
I would constantly agonize over my failures at social interaction. What was I doing wrong? Why did everyone laugh at me and find me an irresistible target for making fun? Why would the people I considered my friends feel the need to run and hide behind a building when I wanted to go eat lunch with them in high school? Why was I so insanely awkward?
When I was sixteen years old, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. In short, it answered all my questions. My analogy is this: most computers come with their software pre-installed. Most people are born with their social software already built in. People with Asperger's, however, have to install their social software manually.
In general, people with Asperger's are extremely bright, especially as children. This tends to mask their deficits in social skills, as parents and other adults fixate on their IQ scores. While I was playing word games with my teachers at nursery school when I was four, at the same time that meant that I wasn't playing with the other kids.
There was a good diary by AndyS In Colorado the other day that I commented in, sharing my own experiences. Knowing now that today is a day of awareness and education about autism spectrum disorders, I feel that I must combat some negative stereotypes about people on the spectrum.
There is a remarkable lack of tolerance in this country, and indeed, around the world, for people with Asperger's, autism, and other disorders on the spectrum. For example, in South Korea, people are refusing to diagnose children with autism, instead diagnosing them with reactive attachment disorder, despite all evidence to the contrary, so as to avoid "sullying" the family lineage and making it harder for their siblings to marry. In this country, to be sure, many of the people committed to mental institutions or kept in darkened rooms in basements during the previous century were autistic. One of my grandmother's first cousins, described as "immobile and dumb" and kept confined to a room, was likely one of those people.
Many negative stereotypes have sprouted about Asperger's and autism. For example, some people say that we're like machines - that we lack empathy. That's the biggest load of crap I've ever heard. Ask my girlfriend of over a year if I lack empathy. Ask my family - if anything, they'll say I'm TOO affectionate. The problem, I believe, is that many people with Asperger's simply don't know how to properly express their warm feelings. Again, we have to install our social software manually. Some people do it far more quickly than others, while some never develop the skill at all. But don't doubt for a minute our human compassion.
Some people deride the "obsessions" or "preoccupations" that autistic and Aspergerish people may develop over very fine minutiae of a given topic. I submit that "obsession" is the wrong word to use - "fascination" is a more accurate description. I, too, developed these fascinations. At a young age, I vigorously studied the Presidents of the United States. When my uncle would come for Thanksgiving or some other occasion, he got great delight in quizzing his 8-year-old nephew on the names of all the Vice Presidents. I further developed fascinations with sports, trading card games, and politics in general. Some fascinations have petered out (trading card games, among other things) while others have been maintained. What many people fail to understand about these fascinations is why we need to know the most obscure, intricate details of something. I would posit that it is quite simple - we are hungry for knowledge, and when we want to know something, we throw our whole being into knowing it. We leave no stone unturned.
The thing that may annoy most people about people with Asperger's or autism in Western cultures is a greater lack of eye contact than among neurotypical people. I had to work on this quite a bit, and I still have a ways to go. In formal settings, I am fine, but in an informal atmosphere, I often find it more comfortable to sit side-by-side and talk, without eye contact. It is my belief that the lack of eye contact stems from anxiety. It is true in my case, and I suspect the same is true for most others. Do not think that people with Asperger's or autism are being intentionally disrespectful if they don't maintain good eye contact. It's something that they simply have to devote a great deal of effort towards learning. It's hard, believe me.
There is often a hypersensitivity to sound, smell, taste, and/or touch among people on the autism and Asperger's spectrums. This was true for me. As a child, I became petrified of balloons, fireworks, and other things that made loud, sudden noises. I would grow nauseous from the smell of chocolate across the house, or the smell of bubble gum from down the hall. I could not be touched on the arm without it feeling like a tickle. I went to occupational therapy to work through some of these issues. My mother would use a brush on my arms every night for a long while until I was desensitized.
My hypersensitivity faded away by the time I was in my mid-teens, but the social damage had already been done. I was teased, ridiculed, and made fun of MERCILESSLY up through high school. What started as people making fun of me because I didn't like chocolate or bubble gum in elementary school would progress into making fun of my acne in middle school and then taking advantage of me in middle school and high school. I was led on a string and then sent crashing down countless times. Parents, please tell your children - be tolerant of those who are different. Whether the difference be gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or, if I can coin a phrase, social orientation, we should not discriminate. Teach your children that the shy, awkward kids should not be taken advantage of, pushed around, or shunned altogether.
I have found my measure of happiness. I am in a loving, committed relationship with my girlfriend (we just marked one year together), am a few courses shy of graduating from a great university, and have a wonderful pootie running around my apartment. I'm 22 and I have my whole life ahead of me. But some people with Asperger's or autism feel lost and alone. Society's pushed them around so much - chewed them up, spat them out, time and again, because they were DIFFERENT. Because they didn't fit into the neat little boxes that were assigned them. Sound familiar to anyone? We, the people of the autistic spectrum, all deserve to live free and equal lives. But in so many cases, the intolerance of others makes us feel consigned to a life apart. I do not accept this. WE do not accept this. So please, teach your children - in addition to gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or other characteristic, do not discriminate against the socially different. All of us are created equal.