But Andy, there's terrorists out there!
The late, great, Don Knotts first became famous for this bit he'd do with Steve Allen. He'd be a "man on the street", a googly-eyed dude who was so anxious he could hardly control his shaking. Then he'd reveal that he was something along the lines of a surgeon or a fighter pilot. He made a whole career out of this character, the bumbling 'fraidy-cat shaking at his own shadow and well out of his depth.
It's nice to see he now has a second act in his American life, as leader of the House Republicans.
Yes, ladies and gents, Don Knotts is back, and he has a message for you, in the guise of House Minority Leader John "Sunkist" Boehner. Be very, very afraid:
This is the first step in the Democrats’ plan to import terrorists into America. Without a plan to close the prison at Guantanamo Bay, the Administration has made the decision to begin transferring these terrorists into the United States, in spite of the overwhelming opposition of the American people and serious questions from Members of Congress of both parties. There are more than 200 of the world’s most dangerous men held at the Guantanamo Bay prison. Does the Administration plan to transfer all of them into our nation in this way? Do they plan to give them the same legal rights as the American people? Just what is the Administration’s plan for closing this prison?
The "this" at the beginning of that chunk of pants-pissing, knee-knocking terror porn is the administration's decision to bring Guantanamo detainee Ahmed Ghailani to New York to stand trial for his role in the African Embassy bombings. Mr. Ghailani will now join several of his co-conspirators who have been successfully tried and sentenced in Manhattan. And the prison nickname of the man who makes the Gentleman from Ohio comically cower with anxiety?
Foopie.
I kid you not, they are shaking with fear at the presence of Foopie. So much for the "Daddy Party".
On The Andy Griffith Show, old Andy, being the wise man that he was, would only allow Deputy Barney Fife, played so well by Don Knotts, to have a single bullet, just in case. He knew better then to trust his sweaty-palmed deputy with a loaded weapon.
The Republicans have gone from being the chicken-hawk party to the party of Barney Fife. They jump at their own shadows and cower in fear.
The difference is, Don Knotts was funny. And he wasn't really a coward.
But this does beg the question. John Boehner and Don Knotts, separated at birth?
Well, at least that last one got the color right.
And for the hell of it, here's the shitty photohack of the day!