I haven’t been talking much lately.
Why? This place runs hot and cold and over the past number of months the climate had begun to resemble the equivalent of a mutation of middle school mentality combined with shark week bloodlust. Everybody talking shit and few being in it for reasons other than proving someone else wrong. Like I said . . . a middle school circlejerk. People make a big noise about being adults, but as what passes for news shows us, much of our behavior never moves past high school and the pissing contests continue.
That and my Dad died.
So, I’ve taken to silence.
Being his only offspring, I’m taking care of the legalities of his death. Protocol and politics dictate everything these days, even dying. For our species being nothing more than an ant farm in the big picture, we certainly do put a lot of effort into the meaningless. Filling out forms and following rules . . . this is what passes for life and death.
In any case, I miss him. If it weren’t for him and Ellicatt I wouldn’t have gotten re-involved in the political landscape at all. Politicians, an unsavory bunch, be them Democrat or Republican was my thought on the entire issue. Liars at best; fuck ‘em.
I still feel that way in large part. But for my father and Ellicatt, I’d have never come back to voting, writing letters, or making phone calls. Don’t know if it helps the cause or not, but I do it. It’s the only voice I’ve got, so from time to time, I like to hear myself roar. Quietly.
Then the news of drchelo’s passing was brought to me. Just 8 days after my Dad. She and I were online friends and email buddies (thanks to Cronesense) with a common thread. Cancer. We frequented the same cancer center and try as we might and wanted, we could never connect face to face. She was an oncologist and in years gone by had done good work with my oncologist, Dr. C.
And so, on this, the 60th anniversary of my grandfather’s death, I’m again expressing my grief.
Before anyone offers condolences and possible "help", please keep these in mind:
Those who’ve asked about me since my absence, thanks. To those who’ve promised to write but haven’t, I’ve noticed. Here’s a hint: if you’re too busy to do what you’ve obligated yourself to, perhaps silence would’ve been the better choice. You’re not making anyone feel better but yourselves with empty promises.
That goes to all the politicians out there as well. Do what you say you’re going to do or don’t say it. This is not at all difficult.
To my father and drchelo, I’ll see you on the other side.