Military families are being ripped apart at the seams by nearly a decade of war. Multiple deployments, lack of mental health care and support for soldiers and their families has caused huge increases in the rates of suicide, homicide, domestic abuse, alcohol abuse and drug abuse among military families. Regardless of political affiliation military families are relying on non-military affiliated Americans to help them recover from the aftershocks of war.
Dear America,
Thank you all for your thanks, your well-wishes, your flag waving and your yellow ribbons. It is appreciated. We don't do this for praise, or thanks, or any kind of public attention but believe me a well-timed "thank you for your sacrifices" is a lifeline for a military spouse who is struggling.
But we need more from you than applause and yellow ribbons. After our spouses come home, and I mean the hour that they come home, our whole world changes. Again. When they leave we put on our brave faces and our best outfits and send them off smiling so that the last image they have of us isn't our tears. Then we go home to an empty house, an empty bed, and the enormous weight of carrying all the responsibilities of parenting, managing a household, and living on our own. In addition we have to bear the burden of knowing the spouse we love is always in imminent danger.
There is no way to describe to you what it's like to live with the anxiety of knowing that any moment you could find out that your spouse isn't coming home, or is coming home with debilitating injuries. There are no words to tell you how military spouses survive going weeks, sometimes months, without hearing from their spouses. We don't know ourselves. We just do it, because it needs to be done and it's part of our lives.
When that spouse comes home our worlds get thrown asunder again. After the flags stop waving, after the applause and the well wishes stop there is the reality of getting to know someone that is essentially a stranger and making room in your life for a partner after bearing all the responsibility for a year or more. Living with a soldier who is suffering from Combat Stress or PTSD, or who has physical injuries that require a lot of care is more difficult than you can imagine, and the stress of that is ripping military families apart every day. Soldiers don't understand what's happening to them when they come home. Wives and spouses are confused, hurt, and isolated. Suicide, homicide, domestic abuse, depression, alcohol and drug abuse rates among military families are skyrocketing.
The Army is trying to meet the needs of soldiers and their families but just can't provide the kind of support that soldiers and their families need. The average wait time for counseling for the children of soldiers is a whopping eight months. Soldiers are waiting months for routine care and even care for injuries received in combat. My own husband has been back for six months and has not received any treatment for his TBI, despite the fact that we have a dedicated TBI clinic at the post he is stationed at.
In order to survive the deployment cycle intact military families need you. Regardless of political affiliation, regardless of how you feel about the wars military families need and deserve your support. There are stereotypes about military families on both sides of the political aisle but you need to put those aside. We are America citizens. Our loved ones are fighting and dying to protect this country and our way of life. We need your help. Shouldn't that be all that matters?
One of the things that I love about this country is the willingness of the American people to jump in and help people who are in crisis. After 9/11, after Hurricane Katrina people all over the country regardless of political affiliation put their lives on hold to help others. Before the rains subsided there were buses on the way to New Orleans with food, water, clothing and volunteers to help those in trouble. Well America - military families are drowning and we need your help.
There are two distinct things that you can do to help us. One way is by getting more active in the legislative process. Get involved. Call and write your representatives to ask them to support legislation that will provide help and support for soldiers and their families. There is legislation out there that can help soldiers and military families but without your support it won't get passed and we will continue to suffer.
The other way that you can help is to volunteer. I know you can do it. I saw millions of people pull together and unite under President Obama's banner of Hope. I was one of them. Now I'm asking you to support soldiers and military families who are willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for you. Volunteer for organizations that provide desperately needed material support, counseling, and other support for soldiers and their families. Raise awareness of the issues that are decimating military families.
You don't need to commit a lot of time or resources to help us either. Sometimes something as simple as a cup of coffee and a friendly ear can make the difference for a military spouse that's on the edge. Babysit for an hour so a military spouse can take some time off. Small gestures are huge to a military spouse that is feeling isolated, hopeless, or overwhelmed. Reach out to a military spouse who may not be capable of reaching out for help. Just be there. After the yellow ribbons come down, after the homecoming ceremony is over. Be there. That's when we really need you.
The military is trying to change the stigma associated with asking for help so that soldiers will be more willing to ask for the help that they need. Military families also traditionally serve and suffer in silence but we also have to speak up about the unprecedented struggles military families are dealing with as a result of 8 years of war. When the people of this country pull together they are unstoppable, and we need that strength to win the battle on the home front- the battle to save military families.
Thank you,
Indie Army Wife
**updated to provide links to some organizations that are working to help military families and could use your support**
For pending legislation/petitions etc check out the "Take Action" section of Http://www.iava.org
Some of the organizations that are working to help military families are:
http://www.homesfortroops.com
http://www.welcomebackveterans.org
http://www.notalone.com- Not Alone provides online support groups run by therapists as well as personal stories of soldiers and military spouses who are dealing with combat related stress and injuries
http://www.supportyourvet.org - GREAT resource for civilians who would like to get involved. Articles and info on how to get involved, how to talk to vets and their families, and how to help
http://bluestarfam.org/... works directly with military families to provide immediate support and to influence legislation
http://www.helpingmilitaryfamilies.com - works on legislation and point of contact programs to provide immediate help for military families
http://www.fisherhouse.org - works to help families who are caring for injured soldiers or sick children
http://www.iava.org - works tirelessly to pass legislation to help soldiers and their families
http://www.giveanhour.org - Therapists volunteer to provide free mental health counseling for soldiers and family members. This is a critical resource that we need.
Again, thank you to all of you who want to help!!!
**Updated Link List, Some Courtesy of Kossacks***
http://www.sldn.org/... Servicemembers Legal Defense Network continues to fight for the rights and well-being of military spouses and families who have zero safety net whatsoever, because the servicemember who is currently serving is gay.
http://www.soldiersangels.com - provides support to deployed soldiers
http://wwww.anysoldier.com - provides much needed support for soldiers
http://www.greenbeanscoffee.com/... - Buy a deployed soldier a cup of coffee for a $2 donation
***last update***
I'm afraid I have let myself get sucked into off topic debates. I'm going to invite those of you who are genuinely interested in helping our military families to visit my website: http://www.indiearmywife.com and please please please get involved with the organizations listed here, volunteer in your communities, start a dialog with the military families close to you. I cannot tell you how happy it makes me to see such overwhelming support out there for military families. Thank you. I hope that my post at least opened your eyes and will lead to a greater awareness of the problems that military families are struggling with.