There are those of us of a certain age cohort and social class, who are reared to be great respecters of the personal space of others. We rarely "get in your face" unless we have known that face for many years. We maintain a physical distance with strangers, and neither engage in disclosure of the details of our sex lives, nor regal them with our medical histories. We feel very strongly that personal privacy is good manners and any violation of that privacy is repugnant.
I was hugged, today, by a complete stranger, who then proceeded to call me "Sweety", and asked about the cost of a purchase I had just made.
I have been called by my first name by clerks who do not know me. I have been interrogated by strangers in the super market line. I have been the recipient of intimate details of the lives of people about whom I care nothing, and do not wish to know better. I am repelled and annoyed by such assumptions of intimacy where none has been granted. And, make no mistake, intimacy is to be granted to another, not appropriated.
Those of us who decry the coursness of the culture, the vaguely disquieting nature of the intrusion of private lives into the public discourse as a form of entertainment, have been repeatedly shut up by the protests of those who sneer at our demand for more courtesy, more distance between the private and the public. We are called snobs, or cold and unfeeling, or just plain anti-social. But, I think another variable is operating that needs wider exposure.
Today, I would like to reexamine the social dynamic of need that would compel anyone to make intimate physical contact with a total stranger. I suspect that it is the same need that keeps people on their cell phones 18 hours a day. Unable to engage in any activity, from driving, to shopping, without the constant reassurance that they are going in the right direction, making the right choices, and loved by equally needy people who foster this dependency.
The false sense of intimacy, of importance, of acceptance, generated by intruding on the physical space of another is just that. False.
Hours on the cell phone, engaged in endless chatter, may offer a sense of connectedness and a lessening of one's sense of isolation in a world moving to fast for the skills that have evolved over eons. But, it does nothing to polish those skills. It actually has the effect of worsening one's ties to a wider social world, and developing the skill set that makes for a successful interaction with that world.
Hugging strangers, or casual friends, seems designed to create the illusion that one is widely loved and appreciated through enforcing physical contact, sought or not. Hugging strangers, or casual friends, is is every bit as socially dysfunctional as failing to engage with reality by hiding behind a cell phone while performing other tasks.
I suspect that FaceBook and Twitter assuage the same needs as cell phones and random hugging. It allows one to imagine one's self a significant player in the lives of others. It is delusional, of course. It has no benefit in learning. It does not promote intimacy. It furthers no goal.
And, it can really annoy the pig!