I'm 54. I'm disabled, but not enough for disability. I have been unemployed for a month, and I have been chronically homeless. I have been looking for work, I'll fucking work at McDonald's but they aren't hiring. I'm too old and too fat for prostitution, so what is left?
It's not the Government's fault I'm in this situation. It's my fault. If only that cashier at B&H hadn't seen me on the floor, I'd still be working for Epson. but, no. I had to go downstairs to check on the projectors, and she saw me. She's suing B&H because she asked to be moved to a sales position, and they said women couldn't be sales people since it was against their religion. She saw me on the floor, and filed suit. It's my fault. and, they got Epson to get rid of me. (I was "laid off" from the company that has a contract with Epson)
In fact, I was homeless when I first came to dkos. and, in a month, I will be homeless again. I can't handle it. and, I have made a rather drastic decision:
I am going to end my life. All my failings are my responsibility, from all the missed opportunities to changing my name via Common Law, to moving to New York to my inability to keep a job to opening the door for the little fucker who left me with my brain injury. It's my fault I didn't avail myself of the 50% pay cut offered to me by two NYC shelters to quit my job and get on disability. It's my fault, no one told me about the intake center for the working homeless in Brooklyn. In fact, I will take responsibilty for not dying when I was attacked in 1999. should have found a way to have the life choked out of me at the time. but no. I passed out just a bit too soon. It's also my fault that I am smarter than a lot of the people I dealt with - a fact my original Physiatrist (that's someone who works with people with brain injury) pointed out
I apologize to everyone here, for posting another selfish watb diary. Online is the only place I can be selfish and not worry about what you all 1' & 0's think. push a button and the whiner disappears.
But I just can't be homeless again. I don't need lectures or platitudes. I"m not lazy, or drug-addled or stupid. Death is quite preferable to being unemployed, filthy, sleep deprived and no where to be. My friends are all online, so, eventually, they will stop noticing I'm not around.