Here in Nashville, we just got over being inundated by about 600 tea partiers from around the country. They were kind of hard to notice; we are used to Garden Club conventions with 10,000 people, turkey hunters and bass fishers with 20,000 people, and country music fans with 50,000 people.
Still, with enough people to fill up half of a high school gymnasium, we had to figure out who was a tea partier, and who wasn’t. Here’s a quick quiz:
You Might Be a Tea Partier If:
- You think that Iraq moved its WMD to Syria, that Obama was born in Kenya, but there’s not enough evidence for Global Warming;
- You went to public schools, went to college on the GI bill, got a VA loan, depend on Social Security and Medicare for your income and heath care, but tell your kids you are a self-made man;
- You want the government to keep its hands off your Medicare;
- You believe that corporations are people, too;
- You think that ACORN manufactured 10 Million votes in 2008, but 12,000 elderly Jews in Palm Beach voted for Pat Buchanan as a protest of the first Jewish vice-presidential candidate;
- You co-sponsor legislation to look at ways to balance the budget, but vote against it because Obama likes it;
- You get confused about the difference between "budget cuts" and "tax cuts" .... when you are writing in your own hand, ON your own hand;
- You vote against the Obama Stimulus Package, but show up at the ribbon cutting for the projects it built in your congressional district;
- You think that the Founding Fathers intended that corporations controlled by corrupt foreign dictatorships have the right to spend unlimited amounts of money in U.S. elections;
- You think that gays and lesbians have the right to fight and die for their country, just so long as they stay in the closet, out on the battlefield;
- You believe it’s OK to kill doctors sitting in church, a million Iraqis over non-existent WMDs, and innocent people sitting on death row, because after all, you are "pro-life;"
- You think that Paris Hilton should get more in tax breaks than all the people in Paris, Tennessee, combined;
- You believe that every word in the King James Bible is literally and absolutely true, except where it says wine, but there it really means grape juice;
- You believe that a beauty queen sportscaster who quit as governor after two and a half years is more qualified to be president than a U.S. Senator who graduated magna cum laude from Harvard Law School;
- You vote for and praise universal health care legislation in your home state of Massachusetts, but oppose the same system for the entire United States;
- Your car has an "America, Love It or Leave It" sticker on the back bumper, and half-filled out secession petitions in the front seat;
- Add your own message here.....