Now that I have your attention, Listen Up! as Q would say. When I first discovered Black Kos, I was reluctant about participating. I often get frustrated that we purposely segregate ourselves and initially, I found myself once again frustrated at the desire and need to have a Black Kos. Then one day something snapped and I needed my peeps, folks that could understand the emotional realities of being Black in America. I could not take another minute of trying to explain myself to good White Folk even though I knew that most of them meant well. Oh, and I added that last sentence after some serious thought so as not to offend. I told ya'll that to say this, I also needed a place where I didn’t have to make a lot of qualifying statements, to make non people of color not feel as if they were being persecuted. Sometimes, that’s exactly how things comes across to me. I may be wrong in my thinking then again, I could be right more than most will ever admit but it does too often seem that way.
Anyhoo, so off to Black Kos I went. I needed balance, a place to feel free to be me in all my Blackness and glory. See Black Kos, I can say, "good White folk," and "all my Blackness and glory" to you ‘cause, you understand that doesn’t mean I am a bigot, or racist, or prejudice. I’m simply a proud Black woman who enjoys being a proud Black woman. I’m also opinionated as hell and very in your face but that’s a whole other can of worms. LOL
At Black Kos I can feel comfortable speaking ebonics without dealing with afterthoughts of being judged because, although you may cringe at the mistakes, it’s not because you are judging me personally (as a general rule) but because you have concerns we all will be judged by the negative antics, or perceived shortcomings of another. Ok, truth be told, I also cringe when one of our own gets on TV and sounds like he/she has never read a book, or made it through 4th grade English but see, I can say that to ya’ll without thinking twice about it and, know you understand where I’m coming from. In other words, you dismiss and understand the obvious hypocrisy we sometimes engage in. Not because I’m Black and all Blacks agree but because you know, that I know and understand that in many instances, we are often judged by the antics of others. Bottom line, sometimes we do the right thing and act and speak like we are suppose to but then, sometimes we say, screw it, I'm not trying to impress anyone, and don't.:)
BTW Black Kos, while I have your attention and for all of you who take issue with Madea and all those other Black stories that sometime make you cringe. Get over it will ya. It's simply a character from a creative mind and we need to stop trying to dictate to our brothers and sisters how they should be creative. Besides, I know some Madea types, hell, I can be a Madea type. If non people of color think we all act like Madea, that's their problem not ours and if you never act like Madea or some of the other so call stereotypes, and folks still think of you that way, do you seriously believe it's about Madea? One more thing, if I haven't convinced you you're overreacting, then write your own dayum stories and leave the other creative people alone to do their thing, their way or, stop criticizing others and actively engage in convincing more of our peeps to support films like, Beloved, Eve's Bayou, Daughters of the Dust, just to name a few. Ok, I went off the initial subject but back on the ranch...
What’s the point of this letter you ask, my point is this, where the heck are you when I need ya Black Kos? Yeah, yeah, I know you are busy doing life and all that jazz but dayum sam, a sister needs more than once a week and or special edition of, understanding...
Hmmp! (folding arms, tapping toes, tongue in cheek but at the same time, serious as a heart attack)
...with that said, and like it or not, I’m convening a porch meeting. Let’s get started, shall we?
Evening My Fellow Porch Dwellers,
Hope everyone is well.
Today I feel more like talking than simply sitting on the porch so bare with me while I rant.
Is it me or am I the only one that’s fed up with all the anti racist commentary be it on Kos, or else where? Oh Christmas tree,I can hear heads exploding now (on all sides of the racial divide) so let me explain.
side note: I sometimes use Christmas tree to cut down on my cursing plus when I was younger I use to say, oh Christ whenever I was frustrated. It drove my parents nuts because they said I was using the name of the "Lord" in vain, so in order to, honor my mother and father so my days would be longer (and yeah I use to roll my eyes, out of eyesight of my parents of course, when they would quote that verse) my new word became, Christmas tree.:)
Ok, now where was I, oh yeah, trying to fend off exploding heads.
I detest racism. Duh! Bet ya didn’t know that. I also know what it feels like to be affected by racism. Clutch the pearls Ola Mae cause I bet ya didn’t know that either and here is a real shocker, I even understand racism sucks, is hideous, destructive and wrong. What I don’t understand, how the hell can people constantly talk about racial incidents but can’t have a conversation about how to end this sht or effectively deal with it? Hell, we can’t even have a conversation about what racism is or isn’t without people getting defensive or going off the rail. However, we can point out every vile event that happens with great detail, flourish, links, audio, video and accompanying righteous indignation. Oh, and let me back track a minute. Can someone please explain to me how Blackness is subjective? I guess being a little bit Black is like being a little bit pregnant. Oh wait, you can’t be a little bit pregnant.
And, would someone more articulate than me (or is it I) please explain to well meaning White folk that my Blackness isn’t a scientific or even logical experiment that needs to be dissected and analyzed. My Blackness just "is," and that’s OK. Could you please let them know they should make an effort to listen to me, and understand me, and should stop trying to assimilate me or "neuter" my Blackness away. There isn’t anything wrong with being different, hell, if people weren’t diverse, and we were all alike, we would be bored out of out of our gourd. While we are on the subject of listening, would someone please inform Good White Folks that if I’m trying to explain my feelings, and without even acknowledging those feelings they begin to tell me about their struggles because of some incident with racist overtones, if they are telling me they have Black friends or whatever it is they feel the need to tell me to show solidarity and understanding; if they are doing all that and more, they are not listening to me.They are trying to get me to listen to them. Oh and before one of those copy cat diaries pops up about how we should listen to White folk, ask them to think about this. We have been listening to them all our lives, how much time have they spent listening to us? REALLY listening to us? Inform them they should ask questions, we don’t mind. Strongly suggest they try and get an understanding of what we are saying but please, LISTEN, and do it with an open mind. Do it without all the defensive posturing and projecting many of us feel they so often engage in, and yes Black Kos, we need to do the same on our side as well.
Another thing and lawd love a duck and flying turds, if one more person feels the need to qualify the fact that President Obama had a White mother I think I will pull all my hair out. President Obama identifies himself as a Black man. It doesn’t mean he rejects the blood of his White mother. Saying you are Black or White (or whatever you may find yourself mixed with)is simply one of those cool things interracial folks can do but, if no one had ever heard of him and he tried catching a cab on most main streets, he would be seen as a Black man. If no one had ever heard of him and he wore baggy pants instead of suits, he would be seen as a Black man and if no one had ever heard of him and he had a Harvard education, guess what, he would still be seen as a Black man. To steal and overly paraphrase a very righteous rant, President Obama loved his mother dearly; he accepts, respects and embraces all that he is but, he is still a Black man. He’s Black, beautiful and comfortable with it, why aren’t you?
I sympathize and empathize with those that feel trying to understand one another comes with too much baggage on all sides; that that the race discussion, is a tough discussion to have and often ends badly but if we don’t find a spine and start to have more tough discussions openly and honestly, this mess will never fade away. We can't wait for it to die out because many of the young are now engaging in this crap but, If all we do is shout out racial incidents over and over without any discussion on how to solve the problems, we are just as guilty of fanning the flames as the other side.
Yesterday I was in the grocery store, some old dude dayum near ran me over with his shopping cart. Instead of me thinking, dayum you’re rude, for a brief moment I found myself thinking, dayum you must be a tea bagger. This is what all this sht is leading to. We already had trust issues among the races and now they are going to get worse. Not just because racism exist and racist incidents are happening but also because we are spending more time pointing fingers than we are trying to find ways to end it. Denouncing racism is one thing, a million plus words on the actual racist acts, over and over, is another story entirely.
Prior to the election of President Obama I remember trying to tell good White folk about racism and incidents we were still being subjected to, overtly and covertly. Too often,I was told racism didn’t exist anymore, it was going away, the new generation didn’t see color, you’re playing the race card. Now, good White folk are seeing racism everywhere they turn and on many occasion, breaking it down in authoritative tones without actively engaging input from the very people that have experienced this crap all their lives. And to all non people of color, if this doesn’t apply to you, let’s not get into a discussion about how this doesn’t apply to you, ok? If the shoe doesn't fit, don't wear it but remember, none of us are perfect so if you can’t own up to being imperfect on occasion, even on a small scale, we are wasting time trying to solve this complex issue. Oh yeah, we ain’t perfect either and we know this. Am I speaking for all Blacks, hell no but I know enough about being Black to understand I’m not the only Black person that feels this way.
I could say more but the truth is, I’m tired. My senses are overloaded with this BS and ironically, more so with the analyzing of said BS. When someone comes up with a cure for racism, or decides to start tackling the tough discussions to gain a better understanding from the perspective of the ones that suffer the most from racism, AND from the perspective of the ones that engage in this sht, wake me up. Lately, whenever I hear another example of racism, or see someone pointing fingers, all I feel like doing is yawning and taking a nap.
Moving right along....
I have adopted several personal theme songs over the years to fit practically any occasion and mood I may find myself in. Two of my (many) faves tend to pop up on my play-list more often than others. I can’t find a video and or audio for Millie Jackson’s, Eff U Symphony (relax folks, that’s just a joke but the song does exist and I love it) but, I’ll leave you with this one, as oppose to THAT ONE, with lyrics.
Whether I'm right or whether I'm wrong
Whether I find a place in this world or never belong
I gotta be me, I've gotta be me
What else can I be but what I am
I want to live, not merely survive
And I won't give up this dream
Of life that keeps me alive
I gotta be me, I gotta be me
The dream that I see makes me what I am
That far-away prize, a world of success
Is waiting for me if I heed the call
I won't settle down, won't settle for less
As long as there's a chance that I can have it all
I'll go it alone, that's how it must be
*I can't be right for somebody else
*If I'm not right for me
I gotta be free, I've gotta be free
Daring to try, to do it or die
I've gotta be me
I'll go it alone, that's how it must be
I can't be right for somebody else
If I'm not right for me
I gotta be free, I just gotta be free
Daring to try, to do it or die
I gotta be me
Written by: Walter Marks for the Broadway musical, Golden Rainbow
*(emphasis mine)
Thanks for listening Black Kos, meeting adjourned.:)
P.S. To those of you who feel I’m over the top, this was not meant in anyway to insult or ridicule people outside of my race and it certainly should not be seen as a ringing endorsement, or even the views of members who participate on Black Kos. Being Black, hell being human means I don’t always think logically or analytically. It means I sometimes let my heart over rule my head. It also means, I understand that it’s OK when that happens because it helps me bring balance to my world. A world or I should say country, where I represent only 13% of the population. (as of the last census.) Talk about reality based, well that’s part of my reality.That’s not me whining, that’s me stating fact. I think many of you forget that little fact, many of us don’t. It doesn’t matter how much confidence we have or how proud we may be. When you’re in the minority, it’s not always easy navigating the waters of the majority. Most of the time, non people of color don’t even have to think twice about having to navigate those waters, we do. (even when it’s only on a sub conscious level) Of course the exception would be when you happen to find yourself in an overwhelming sea of Black faces. Sure, many of you tell yourself it’s, cool, I handled it, but be honest (not with me but yourself) didn't it feel just a wee bit unsettling, and it's not even something you deal with daily. One more thing and then I'm out to regroup and brace myself for the possible push back. Trying to really get a handle on Black folks can be frustrating. Hell, I'm Black and it sometimes drives me crazy. I can somewhat imagine what it's like for a non person of color but, a lot of our stuff comes from living in two worlds sometimes simultaneously. Two worlds that are the same on many levels but often vastly different on others. Whether you get that or not, it's how many of us see it. Again, not complaining, just telling it like it TIS, is.