Could societal levels of greed and fear be increased by stirring sexual impulses into the parts of the brain that do mathematics and logic?
Why do our civilizations keep destroying themselves and each other? Some would have us believe it is human nature or lizard brains destroying this planet. Or that we're not learning our history. Or it's the liberals. Or republicans. (Okay, maybe republicans.)
Sometimes the answers really are simple and right in front of us.
And for those like me with slow connections, here's the transcript, with numbers for reference:
- Hello Earth, this is Ron. We've been studying you for thousands of years, your time, and we think we've figured out what your problem is. At first we called it human nature but recently our top scientists concluded that what keeps destroying your civilizations and threatens all life on Earth is that you've been masturbating with the wrong hand.
- By using the tool hand you burn in long lasting neural pathways that detour sexual energy through the logical mathematical side of the brain, even if you're just thinking about it, especially the guys, with all that up and down hammer type motion. If it gets stuck in there a wad of that sex on the wrong brain can cause lots of problems.
- For example in there where the numbers are done sexual energy gets satisfaction from more, bigger, faster... that's where a lot of greed comes from.
- Where the logic is done, that impatient sexual energy just wants quick easy answers and certainty to get the thinking over with. But nature is complicated and full of uncertainty so the tool handers get stressed out and scared until someone makes up some quick easy answers. Pretty soon certainty is better than truth and logic goes out the porthole.
- That's why your leaders are very certain and encourage masturbation with the tool hand whenever possible.
- We encourage you to switch hands and send that sex energy over there directly into the creative orgasmic side of the brain where the orgasms usually happen so you can begin loving your planet, exploring your galaxy, meeting your neighbors, and having bigger orgasms.
- However, if you do not stop masturbating with the tool hand soon a device will be placed on your moon to force you to masturbate with the other hand until the problem is solved. Thank you for listening.
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1 At some point in human evolution populations began delaying the age of reproduction and the serious masturbation started. And so it came to pass that humans began learning sex with the tool hand, the sword hand, the hammer hand.
From the Wall Street greed destroying economies and BP-type greed and stupidity destroying the planet to fundamentalists and extremists of all stripe wreaking havoc- maybe we've been learning sex with the wrong hand.
2 Why wouldn't it make a difference which hand we learn sex with? Whether tool handed masturbation sends what some might call 'sexual energy' to the wrong side of the brain or whether learning sex with the wrong hand burns in associations between sex and the logical side of the brain it seems silly that it WOULDN'T make a difference.
Especially the guys, with that up and down hammer type motion. Maybe men get more sex on the wrong brain because of that motion. Women can use both hands easier. The motions are different. But then what about dildos. Would a vibrating dildo held in the tool hand increase the problem?
Does this account for some differences between sexes? Does it perpetuate patriarchy?
What about sexual violence. What if people who seldom use the right side get a wad of that sex energy is stuck over there in the wrong brain and one way to release it to the orgasm side is to do something to stimulate an emotional response to open up other side? How much human behavior is tied to triggering that release by doing something to jog the right brain. Does use of the right brain reduce accumulations?
3 Greed. Satisfaction in terms of dollars and inches. Hoarding for survival is one thing but making billions off denying health coverage?
4 Certainty is the enemy of imagination and creativity. If you know the answer with certainty why even entertain alternatives.
Let's say sex energy (from a guy's perspective) is like a horny stallion. Wrong handed masturbation leads the horny stallion into the left side of the brain where logic is done. But the impatient stallion can't wait for truth. It wants finality, conclusion, certainty. It needs quick easy answers to end the thinking. But the universe is complicated and uncertain and that need for certainty turns uncertainty into fear.
That's when someone steps forward with some easy answers. The creative right side of the brain is needed to make the easy answers work so the gate between the two sides of the brain opens and the horny stallion escapes and has its way in the pleasure centers. Are those the little orgasms of certitude that fuel our power structures?
The greater the need for certainty (or the need to avoid uncertainty) the greater the reaction to uncertainty and the easier it turns to fear. The irrational need for certainty makes nature, a constant source of uncertainty, an enemy. I would think our ancestors had a much higher tolerance for uncertainty or they might never leave the cave.
I seem to remember that one native american language has a short word to add to a sentence that means "but I didn't see it myself".
5 At some level do our traditional power structures make a conscious effort to prevent left handed masturbation or is it just vicious cycle? Wrong handed masturbation begets the need for certainty, the need for certainty begets order and repression which begets more frustration and tool handed masturbation, and so on.
Since masturbation is taboo the tool hand becomes the default hand. It isn't even talked about. Especially which hand to use.
The Koran says men can only have sex with their wives and "that which the right hand possesses". Does that refer to slaves and captives? In those days what if you weren't rich enough? Nowadays slaves and captives don't apply. What about the fingers? Maybe it was a direct approach to creating warriors.
The authoritarian use of fear makes even more sense when seen in as a subset of uncertainty and the need for certainty. By increasing uncertainty while repressing sex and increasing frustration levels the dictator or king with the royal certitude will always have loyal followers.
6 The right side of the brain is generally considered the creative, emotional, orgasmic side. So why aren't we learning sex with the left hand, which is connected to the right side of the brain? Is that why Joycelyn Elders, Clinton's nominee for Secretary of Education who mentioned masturbation, got swiftboated?
If the horny stallion stays in the creative orgasmic side it is free to explore happy pastures where the uncertainty of nature stimulates curiosity and imagination and pleasure instead of fear.
No need for certainty. No need for leaders with easy answers. And no way to control the people.
Power to the people!
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For more of sex on the wrong brain.....