This is a note to all of those that took the time to offer support, understanding and sympathy in my diary yesterday. I can not put into words how much it meant to me, I do not have those kind of mad writerly skillz. I was broken when I wrote it, at the end of my ability to cope with what I was feeling. I am now feeling stronger, and no small part of that was because when I reached out, the Kossaks reached back. And I will never be able to thank each and every one of you enough.
Questions were asked, and I will try to answer those...
Why would I post such a personal thing here? ... because this is where I was at trying to escape it. I kept trying to read the "important" diaries and couldn't. I couldn't read. There was all of this stuff in the way, and in an effort to clear some of the stuff, I clicked on the new diary button and put it in writing. I have seen some wonderful advice and support given to other Kossaks and I realized I needed some of that.
Why was this on the rec list? ... I have no fucking idea. You figure it out, get back to me. I was as shocked as anybody.
Do I have a good lawyer? ... Yes. She has the reputation as an over-educated pitbull.
As to some of the other subjects brought up: No, I am not going to be contacting "her". She is simply the last in a long line of petty indignities to which he has subjected me. I do not blame her for the marriage ending. I do, however, question the character of a person so willing to insert herself into a marital relationship, even one as rocky as mine. Also, one of the texts from her to my husband was dismissive of me and ended with lol. So fuck her. Petty, I admit freely, but my pain is not lol-able material. Probably, waaayyy down the road, I will be able to offer her the sympathy of one who has been there, if he treats her as he did me. Today ain't that day. And that is how I feel about that.
Retaliation is a waste of my time and energy, and frankly grudges aren't my bag. What I have to focus on is making a safe place for my chilren and myself. And that is what I am doing. The house has too much work to do on it, and is more than I can deal with right now... I may later kick myself, but I do not wish to set myself up for failure.
Counseling is not something I can afford, however their are some local DV group meetings I have looked into, and I have been furiously reading books on abusive and manipulative relationships, as well and self-esteem building. Discovering an awful lot about how I think, and why. Also, the last counselor I went to was... iffy. Good intentions, I believe, but the whole co-dependency thing is, in my estimation, not entirely applicable. Abuse is about training, and I was trained to think co-dependently... although I am reading up on that as well. Its complicated.
Don't know anything about her boobs. I'm sure they're nice. Better than mine? Fat fucking chance. ahem.
To everyone that shared their own story of heartbreak and survival... great big hugs to every single one of you. You told me I was loved, and appreciated and understood, and that I will make it to the other side of this stronger. And I am stronger for it. Thank you all.
Yesterday was bad for me, today is better. Because of the Kossaks. Whenever I get disgusted with the "tone" of this place, I am going to remember that when I needed to be heard, you responded you were here to listen.
And for the love of all that is good and pure, don't rec this one. I don't care to be responsible for yet another misappropriated rec list spot.