V.P. Sarah Palin had to talk fast today about how upset EVERYONE was about the small, insignificant really, oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico this month.
"We were all just spittin' and cussin' about how our precious beaches and birds were in danger. The President did toss a chair in the air, but First Dude caught it and nothing was hurt, thank the Good Lord."
All of the news networks were breathless about the righteous anger and dismay showed by the President and his staff. News leaked out that there were copious tears for the very few, not very important, jobs that might, perhaps, be lost in the fishing and tourism industries. Although that might have been Governor P. "Bobby" Jindal who was last seen begging, pleading, and whining for Federal assistance.
President McCain, however, is standing firm (despite his intense anger and dismay over the whole unfortunate, impossible to predict accident) and swears to the hard-working American taxpayer that Federal dollars have better things to do than clean up after any small mishap that would first be addressed by responsible corporate entities (whoever they may be) and then the States.
"I'm so angry I could crash a plane," President McCain said while boarding Marine One on his way to the Western White House in Arizona. "I'm going to yell so loudly that no one will be able to question my commitment to protect our environmental verse of the "Drill, Baby, Drill" anthem. I was just saying to Cindy, "Find me some ass to kick, any Coast Guard Captain will do. We need to determine who wasn't on the ball, or should have been watching, or inspecting, or something."
The President slammed the door of Marine One for good measure. He sure is angry about this. Angrier than he usually is about everything we've been told by the White House Press Corp., a few of them still starry-eyed with joy with a President not afraid to speak his mind, or blow his top.
The nation sleeps confident tonight that when the President's emotion peeks, that small, piddling amount of leaking oil will be so afraid it will just crawl back into the earth.
Next up: Sea birds, there are an awful lot of them, one or two stuck in the oil won't make much of a difference at all says B.P.